Eli had never felt this weak before but he was not about to give up. Calm down everyone, he thought. A tall man punched him hard on the jaw just to get him to let go of his leather jacket. A striking pain shot to his temple. The train moved unsteadily on the rails and possibly headed for a crash unless the passengers could calm down and realise it's a harmless situation.
Panic. Everyone was panicking…
Eli could not move from where he had fallen, squashed between two seats. He felt something thick roll slowly down his cheek. He knew it was blood before he touched it and glanced at his hand to confirm it. He had a bit of difficulty breathing as the memories of the morning filtered through his mind crystal-clear and sharp…
Just this morning, he remembered how flushed Sarah's smooth, brown skin was from the heat of the water as he stepped into the shower with her. She chuckled and wiggled in his arms as he soaped her body and leaned in to devour her lips with his. This was usually his best time of the day.
As they both dressed up for work, Sarah turned to him while putting on her earrings. "Sweety. What will your day be like? Can we do lunch? I can bring over some grilled spicy wings and juice."
Eli smiled at his wife in the mirror as he knotted his tie. He watched her wiggled her curvy waist and hip slowly into a light coloured snake-print designer skirt and tucked in her black blouse. "I wish I could but, remember Patrick's meeting?"
"Oh yes. That's today?" She seemed a bit disappointed.
"Yea. Heading to the train station now and I should be in Landstown in an hour and hopefully wrap things up at the construction site this evening."
Eli moved slowly towards Sarah with open arms as she melted into his embrace. The chemistry between them was just so strong. He buried his head in her hair, sniffed in her fruity perfume and bit her earlobe. She chuckled. "I hope to ride the last train back. Be ready for when I return?" He asked.
"Yes," she whispered and held him tighter. "Always my love. Be careful and say hi to Patrick and Helen for me."
Eli kissed Sarah goodbye and took a cab to the train station.
The voice from the speaker announced the last call for Landstown just as few passengers rushed into the train. Eli pushed forward to step in when he bumped into a tall, bald man about six foot three with a briefcase who was going to get into the train at the same time as him.
His bald head was shiny like he rubbed some hair oil on it. Baldy, Eli thought. Baldy looked strong, probably in the military with an air of authority around him. Eli stepped back and waved his hand for Baldy to go in. Baldy acknowledged the gesture with a nod and stepped into the train. Eli followed immediately as the door shut and the train moved.
Eli found an empty seat, pulled the strap of his laptop bag from over his head, opened it and placed his laptop on his knees. He powered it up, put on his earbuds to drown out the noise and began working on the schematics of Patrick's shopping mall.
"Oh my God! Look! He has gas in there! He means to kill us!! Aaaaaaaargh!!" A middle-aged woman gave a high pitch scream, pointing at Baldy. Then the panic and commotion started. Eli took off his earbuds. All the passengers looked towards the direction the woman pointed. Baldy too was in shock as gas fizzled out of his briefcase, saturating into the atmosphere. Someone started coughing, another covered his nose with a handkerchief.
"What the hell man?"
"What is this? You want to kill us?"
"He wants to drug us!!"
Panic.
People scrambled and fell on each other as they tried to get out of the passenger section onto the next. Like three men were in a fight with Baldy, trying to wrestle the briefcase from him.
Due to his little knowledge of gases, Eli realised the gas was harmless - compressed air actually. Then he heard Baldy trying to explain to the men wrestling with him. "It's - shit - listen! It's canned air. Stop this!" Eli knew he was right. He put aside his laptop and tried to pry the men from Baldy. One turned and punched him… and it became a full-blown fight.
In the commotion, Eli could see people hurt, some trying to run for their lives. Baldy drove the three men apart with his fists and raised his voice so the whole train could hear him.
IT'S A HARMLESS GAS!
Sudden silence for a few seconds then the panic began. Eli had no idea how they would get out of this situation.
You did a very good job of building suspense. You begin with the punch, so that when Eli is interacting with Sarah we know trouble is coming. Readers love to be in on pending events. Will Eli return home safely? The suspense keeps us reading. It is an interesting twist that Baldy, the man Eli let ahead of him on the train, is the one carrying the gas. Harmless gas! You do such a good job, @kemmyb.
The reader avidly awaits the conclusion you have devised, but in vain. Your stories are always wonderful. This one is also, except for the lack of resolution.
Thank you for posting this interesting story in the Ink Well community. Please be sure to read the work of other writers in the community and share comments with them. We are urging everyone who posts in The Ink Well to take this step, going forward, to ensure our community members are supporting one another. (We also have this in The Ink Well community rules on our home page and in our weekly writing prompts.) Thank you!
😬😬 At the point of ''ITS A HARMLESS GAS", I believed I had resolved the plot but I see what you mean now. My intention was to create suspense even at the end, does that make sense? Oh well, I hope to do better in future prompts.
Thank you for your kind feedback. Yes, I'll certainly read other writers' works and leave a supportive comment. 🙂
Hi @kemmyb. This has the makings of a great story! I really like the characters and the scenario. The setup and the character descriptions are great, and I love how Eli thinks of the stranger on the train as "baldy." I was just wishing for something more. I didn't understand why someone would have a harmless gas or compressed air inside his briefcase, and then the story seemed to stop abruptly. But as always, I really enjoy your writing!
I see the holes in the story and realise sometimes, a little explanation would help to make the story more interesting.
I appreciate your kind feedback and I'm glad you enjoy my writing. Thank you. 🙂
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Hello @kemmyb,
I wanted to stop by and tell you what I enjoyed so much about this story. I love the way you portray the relationship between Sarah and Eli. You manage to make it sensuous without making it graphic. We want Eli to go home to this loving, wonderful wife. So, the suspense builds. We are invested in Eli's well-being.
The chaos on the train is believable, and Baldy is an amazing character. The only thing is, since we care so much about Eli, we want to know how that works out for him, at least a suggestion.
Thanks for writing another interesting and intelligent story.
I'm glad you enjoyed my story and I appreciate your suggestions on the missing pieces of the story. I'll work on them for my next story.
Thank you for your kind comment. 🙂
Hehehehe 😆, I'm my gosh I can't stop laughing , the commotion inside the train is just so funny, it's sucks 🤣
They are much concerned about their life because they don't know the gas is harmless, this is funny " you want to kill is, you want to drug us" and blablabla.... lolololololo
Which the story continues
And again I could feel the love Eli and Sarah shared , I could say it's a true love.😍
Nice story all the way
😄😄 I'm glad you liked my story. You know how it is when people fear something without taking the time to know what it is before they panic. Self preservation, I guess.
Thanks dear Mary for stopping by. 🙂
Now that moved very fast! 😄
Great story. Wondering why Baldy had the gas in his briefcase in the first place.
Truth to be told ,I have always love reading your stories, because they are always well written and amazing, thanks for posting 🤗🤗.
Wahala!
Please let this not be the end...
This is a beautiful story. Our guy must go home to his wife, just a pity there's such an issue.
Hope he gets home safely.
And i hope you drop a sequel🤗😁
A sequel? Haha, I'll think about it.
Thank you for your kind feedback.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. 🙂
Wonderfull story. The circumtances are occur sometimes, but i like the whole motive of the situation and the lovely sensual conversation between eli and his wife:)
Hehe, thanks so much for your lovely comment. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. 🙂
It's the twist for me. Earlier on everything was perfect, then panic sets in, it looked as though they'll all lose their lives, only to realize that it was but a harmless a gas. Eli better gets home safely to Sarah. That's my only interest. 😂
I enjoy the way you describe scenarios. It paints clear pictures of the scenes. I could almost see through everything.
Kudos @kemmyb
Haha, everyone wants Eli to get home safe to Sarah. Thanks for your kind words and feedback. I appreciate.
Hehehe, thanks a lot.