Hello Inkwell community,
I hope that you guys are all doing great. A couple of months ago, I did my introduction to this beautiful community. And I was welcomed and supported by this community - and for that I say thank you. Sadly, I lost my mom to breast cancer a few days after. She had been battling it for about 3 years. Losing her devastated me in more ways than I could imagine. During the same period, I had an unpleasant breakup with my girlfriend. It had been a rough past few months. But I've fully accepted the reality of it. And right now, I'm doing great, and I'm back. Once again, I thank you for the warm welcome and support. It was fun writing this story in participation of this week's fiction prompt. I hope you enjoy it.
Bolu and his wife Kehinde woke up in the middle of the night, in shock - as their little daughter Kemi screamed at the top of her voice.
The scream woke up their next door neighbors, a young couple - James and his wife Agnes, who just moved into the apartment.
Bolu rushed to Kemi's room, and Kehinde ran behind him. When they entered Kemi's room, Kemi was rolling on her bed. Her eyes were closed, like she was having a terrible nightmare, that she couldn't wake up from.
Bolu held his 6 years old daughter in his hands. Her spotless light complexioned skin was looking dark, and her ponytail hair was falling off her head. Kehinde touched her body, she was burning hot.
Both Bolu and Kehinde tapped her face and shook her body so that she could wake up, but it was all to no avail. Kehinde started to cry aloud,
"What's happening to my daughter. Kemi please open your eyes."
Bolu was confused at the situation, and he was wondering what could possibly be wrong.
Then Bolu regained himself, and said to Kehinde, "Go get me water now!" Kehinde moved quickly to the kitchen and got some water.
When she brought the water back, Bolu tore the purple spagetti singlet that Kemi was wearing. He picked up her green shirt from the side of the bed.
He soaked it in the water, and squeezed it - then he used it to rub Kemi's face and body, as he murmured,
"Kemi please open your eyes."
But Kemi kept struggling in his arms, Bolu then screamed in Kemi's face out of frustration, "Wake up!!!"
Kemi started gnashing her teeth. Immediately, Bolu carried Kemi, and said to Kehinde,
"Go fetch my car keys. We have to rush her to the hospital now."
When Bolu opened his front door, he saw the young couple at the doorstep - just about to knock. James wanted to ask, "What was happening?" But seeing little Kemi looking lifeless in Bolu's arms, James and Agnes could see what the problem was.
Bolu couldn't say a word, as he rushed pass them heading to his car. Agnes saw a black snake mark on Kemi's neck; and she screamed, "Stop!" Bolu stopped and turned around, Agnes said, "I recognize this mark." Pointing at the mark.
Agnes continued, "This is not a medical problem. Your daughter is under an attack."
Kehinde who just arrived at the doorstep shouted,
"What?"
Agnes said, "Please wait right here."
Agnes ran into their apartment, and ran back with some herbs in her hand. She put the herbs across Kemi's nose. Kemi sneezed heavily, and she woke up instantly. Kemi then said faintly,
"Dad, mom - what's going on?"
Bolu breath down, and Kehinde grabbed Kemi from Bolu's hands; and she asked,
"Kemi, are you okay?"
Kemi replied, "Yes mom."
Kehinde kissed Kemi all over her face. Bolu turned to the couple, and said, "Thank you so much."
Agnes replied, "My grandmother was a powerful herbalist, I learned a lot from her when growing up."
An hour later, Bolu received a call - that his colleague at work had just died few minutes ago. And before he died, he said to his wife,
"Please tell Bolu that I'm sorry for trying to kill his daughter. I never had the spirit of sportsmanship - losing the promotion at the office to him got me pissed off. I wanted him to suffer. Please tell him that I'm sorry."
Bolu told Kehinde what happened to his colleague. Kehinde couldn't help but feel some pity for him, then she said, "May his wicked soul rest in peace."
Wow just because of a promotion? The man is indeed a wicked man.
Sorry about your mum, may her soul rest in peace and welcome back @kmichealson
Some people are just very wicked. And thanks for your kind words.
The introduction before your story had me feeling sad. I am so sorry about the loss of your mum.
My condolences, bro
Thanks a bunch.
What a wicked world, this is exactly what happened in reality. But one thing I love is karma, the evil that men do live after them. It's a good thing he died and Kemi recovered. All thanks to Agnes.
Lucky for them, someone like Agnes was around. Otherwise Kemi could have died like that. Thanks for commenting.
Here's a tip for you: Consider adding some dialogue between your characters, as well as some action.
These are two important elements of quality fiction that can bring a story to life. You have done a very nice job with the narrative, but it would be even better if you told some of the story in action, and added dialogue so the characters speak to each other. Here are a few resources for you:
Thanks for the tips and the feedback.
I'm so sorry for all you have been through, @kmichealson. I'm not sure why, but these things seem to come in waves. The one silver lining for writers is that the tough stuff we endure in this life makes us stronger and gives us new perspective, and can even fuel our writing. Glad to hear things are better for you.
Thanks for your kind words.
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