In all I do, I don't take pride in any action of mine that falls short of the standard expected of me by my family and friends. I am always ready to make corrections but I don't like being corrected in such a way that my self-esteem would be punctured.
If you don't like my actions as a friend that respects me, you can correct me subtly in public. In private you can be as critical as you want. I will appreciate you for that.
This was the major bone of contention between me and my ex-girlfriend. Our dating journey started on a smooth note. At the peak of it, we could barely stay for one hour without calling to hear each other's voice. He was in Lagos while I was in Jos, a journey of more than 10 hours by road. Due to the distance, we couldn't meet each other physically the way we had wanted. This prevented us from knowing certain details about each other. Especially our likes and dislikes.
She was a very religious lady. She always encouraged me to be up and doing with my spiritual life. The day that she got to know that I drink and smoke, she complained bitterly. She was utterly disappointed. I promised her that I would work on myself and quit.
The relationship was smooth and we both looked up to when we planned to meet. We planned to meet in December that year. We planned to meet at our hometown to celebrate the yuletide season together.
As the day drew nearer, some of my home based friends were eager to receive me. Whenever we are together, we dine and wine together. Our bond of friendship was so strong that I don't joke with anything that concerns them. They reciprocate such love too.
My girlfriend and I arrived at our hometown the same day. We planned to meet the following day, which was Christmas Eve. My friends also reminded me of our annual gathering on Christmas Eve. Every December 24th, we used to have a get-together. We would drink alcohol and have fun till the wee hours of Christmas day. I promised my friends that I would attend the get-together.
I went to see my girlfriend on the afternoon of the 24th and we stayed together, talking about many topics till the evening of that day. When I checked my watch and realized that it was 6 pm, I reminded her that I was going to meet my friends.
"Where is the venue of the get-together?" She looked straight into my eyes and asked.
"It's at Billy guest bar," I responded.
She frowned her face and went silent for a few seconds.
"You don't have anything to do in the bar," she continued. "Remember that you promised me that you will quit drinking and smoking."
"Let's not be too fast about this," I held her hand and tried to make her understand my position. "I will fulfill my promise to you. It's for my own benefits because I know the health implications of drinking and smoking. But let me meet them. I will not stay long. Please," I pleaded for her understanding.
"You will have to choose between me and your friends," she said to my utmost shock.
"I don't like the way you are handling this issue. You have your place in my heart and I value my friends too. Please don't make two of you options for me to choose from. I cherish you and I cherish my friends. I need all of you."
She remained silent with her face burning with anger.
I wasn't comfortable with the way she was handling the whole situation but I needed to be mature in how I reacted. In order to pacify her, I came up with another plan.
"Dear, let me just see them and extend my pleasantries to them. I won't sit down. I will return immediately."
"In that case, I want to follow you there," she responded.
I agreed with her to go with me. We left for the bar which was about a 15 minutes drive away. At that time, my phone was busy ringing from their calls. My absence was being felt at the roundtable.
When we arrived at the bar, my girlfriend opted not to follow me inside the bar.
"Let me wait for you dear. Don't stay long please."
"Are you not eager to meet my friends? Why won't you follow me inside?" I asked her.
"I don't associate with drunkards," she replied to me.
That reply pierced my heart like a red hot iron. I saw it as a rude remark to my friends that I hold in high esteem. Whenever I find myself in that kind of situation, the best thing to do is to restrain myself from responding. My heart was raging with anger.
I left her and went straight to meet my friends. On sighting my coming, the four of them gave me a standing ovation. The best of the available chairs was reserved for me.
I barely sat down when they called on the bar attendant to serve me my favorite drinks.
"I won't be able to sit down for long, guys. In fact, I won't take anything."
"Why will you say that? You are not going anywhere," one of my friends countered me while others nodded in agreement.
"My girlfriend is waiting for me outside. We will meet another time before I travel back to my base."
"While will you keep your girlfriend outside? Don't you want her to meet us?"
Before I could respond to the questions, they all stood up in order to follow me to see her.
"If you don't want us to meet her, we are interested in meeting her. Let's go," they all chorused.
They followed me outside the bar to meet my girlfriend. I introduced them to my girlfriend and vice versa.
My girlfriend scanned each of them with her eyes from head to toes before responding with her nostril.
My friends and I were shocked. Each time any of my friends opened his mouth to talk, my wife would withdraw back and cover her nose.
My friends bore the embarrassment. I was totally disappointed.
Though I was ready to quit drinking and smoking, the embarrassing approach of my girlfriend set my teeth on edge. I expressed my displeasure after we left my friends but she didn't see anything wrong with what she did. That action formed a crack in our relationship. I felt that there are better ways to make me stop drinking and not necessarily by disrespecting my friends.
I had to apologize to my friends later.
The relationship could not work and both of us parted ways.
The wisdom that my ex-girlfriend couldn't apply to make me quit drinking, I met a compatible girlfriend that got the wisdom.
Today, I don't drink alcohol nor do I smoke. She handled the situation without insulting or disrespecting my friends. I am glad that she is my wife today.
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
At times one could go overboard with one's desire for change and fail to see that they are hurting the other. It's great you saw the crack in time and resolved it.
Looking down on anyone is a wrong note in my books not to mention one's friends.
A failed relationship is by far greater than a failed marriage.
It's lack of emotional intelligence. Failure to put oneself in another person's shoes.
Honestly. When I think of everything, I thank God that the relationship ended when it did. Thank you for stopping by.
The pleasure is mine.🤩
You were willing to change and do anything for her. She was going overboard, forgetting each person or people have their own places. She didn't realize she could not have you all to herself.
Her response of 'drunkards' was not only to your friends but also, to you: it was just the way she saw you, with her.
Unfortunately, your friends' good intentions were deeply embarrassed. She forgot your friends are 'board of directors' in relationship.
Congratulations and thanks to wifey 🤗
This was exactly how I interpreted it. I felt insulted. My friends didn't show any sign of disappointment right there. To my surprise on the eve of my wedding when we were having some time together, they brought up the lady's issue. That was when they expressed how embarrassed they felt that day. They didn't tell me immediately to avoid them scattering the relationship. I thank God that I acted in the way I did and put a stop to the relationship.
It's good to know they were matured too
I just read your post and I dey laugh tire for my side. Na wah for your ex-girlfriend o! Who dey disrespect your paddy for your front? That no dey way at all.
But I glad to hear say you don find better woman wey dey handle the situation well. Na happy news o! I happy for you, my guy.
As for the drinking and smoking, I happy to hear say you don quench am. Na good thing o! Keep it up, my broad.
But make I tell you something, your ex-girlfriend too quick to call your paddy drunkards. She no know say everybody get their own way of enjoying life. Na so she take spoil the relationship.
But forget about am, you don move on to better thing. I wish you happy life and plenty success, my guy!
Thank you @iskafan. The comment is filled with humour. So, you sabi pidgin despite the fact that I do consult the dictionary when reading your article. Thank you so much for your constant support.
Hahaha... Are you kidding? Consult dictionary ke? 😂😂
😂😂😂. You are good writer dear. Cheers!!!
Lol... Thank you, sir 💖💝❣️
These are difficult situations that occur in a relationship. Some people have an imposing character that they extend to those around them, trying to change them by force and not by conviction.
Thanks for sharing.
Good day.
That's the problem. Changing someone by force may be counterproductive. The best way is to convince the person. She had successfully convinced me in this case but the way she wanted me to discard my friends was the problem. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Your ex-girlfriend's behavior suggests she would try to dominate any relationship. She seems to have been overbearing and demanding. It seems the physical distance between the two of you prevented you from seeing this side of her personality before.
Your description of your girlfriend's reaction to your friends is quite vivid. The reference to her nostrils really brings home her arrogance and desire to insult. In the end, this piece ends up being as much a character sketch as it is a description of your experience.
Thank you for sharing this with us, @lightpen.
Thank you @theinkwell. I appreciate you immensely.