"Lazy boy, how can you still be sitting at home."
That was what my uncle said the day he came visiting. He criticized me for still being home, lazy and doing nothing after I survived a life-threatening illness, yet the same him that criticized me never showed up, not even once, while I was sick. He didn't send a Kobo to us or help when my family was wallowing in the debt of my surgeries.
I don't know why those words hit me differently; it wasn't as if that was the first time I was hearing such, maybe because it was coming from him, though. I just sat down there looking at the cracked wall of my room while playing a song from the album titled Million Little Miracles.
My uncle happens to be someone who will always have something to say; he will always have one piece of advice or the other to give, but he will never be of help to you when you need it. I have this thing for him, like I don't like when he's around. I don't know why, but I just don't like his presence. Not only that, but I'm always indoors anytime he's around.
And you might want to ask me why, but let me tell you this: a week after I returned from my last surgery, he came around. He has never, not even once, visited me in the hospital or bought even an ordinary bread for me. A week after I returned from my last operation, he came by, and guess what he said to me...
"Toyosi, this is not your first surgery, but we believe it will be the last. You've undergone a lot of it already, so you don't need to act as if it's that painful." He said.
I looked at home with a kind of eye that I can't even explain. He noticed it, but still he continued...
"I'm only telling you that sitting at home all day won't do you any good. You're a man; get up on your feet and start doing something for yourself, be useful."
"But I'm still healing; what will you have me do." I asked him.
"Do something..." He replied.
"Something like what? My parents already spent and sold all they could just to get me through this." I said.
"That's not an excuse; everyone struggles." He said.
I just wondered how insensitive he is; I don't seem to understand him.
Towards the end of our discussion, I told him how I can't do any stressful work again and would love to go learn digital skills, and I will be needing his help financially. Well, my uncle immediately asked to be excused as he quickly wanted to rush down somewhere.
"Just imagine, you can't, yet you keep criticizing me and all of that." I said to myself, and I made my way in.
That evening, I sat down on my bed and made myself a hot tea. I stirred the tea till it became cold as I was busy thinking of the various things my dad has had to go through and the various debts he's in. I kept thinking about the struggles of my mom and how she's trying her best to keep going and not make me feel any discomfort.
Likewise, I feel my uncle is just passing his judgment without understanding. He only speaks and doesn't act or do anything to push his words... Well, he came back again after a few weeks, and he still came back with the same thing.
"You're still sitting around at home. Are you not tired? You should get something doing, oh...." He said.
I took a deep breath and said, "Sir, can you stop talking too and do something?. Your actions should be louder than your words."
I don't know if I was out of line, but then I felt I needed to talk. Enough of his words. He should do something too. I saw how his countenance changed when I said what I said... He blinked his eyes continuously for some seconds; maybe he had realized that words alone meant nothing, or maybe he still didn't...
And trust me, I wasn't trying to prove anything, no. I just wanted to be understood; I wanted him to know that doing something or taking steps to help out holds more weight and is of greater value than a thousand empty words/lectures.
There are times that hypocrisy wears a mask, and sometimes this is the mask it puts on, the mask of advice. Other times it puts on the mask of care and such, but the truth remains that it can't hide from quiet actions. The world may see us and shout at us for being lazy, weak, or struggling.
But I've realized that integrity isn't always loud; it's that which we do when even nobody sees us. Well, my uncle stepped out that day after looking at me and shaking his head. I'm sure he's still judging me, but I, on my end, don't actually need him to see the truth, not anymore, because I already have.
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Honestly, your uncle didn't understand you at all. Did he expect you to work with the conditions you're, especially when you just come out from a operation room. Why is he always judging you and always on your neck? He won't help yet he will keep insulting you as if it's easy for you. He just at least considered the pains you're passing through, the pain itself is not easy, did he also think that you're happy with everything that's happening to you. Some people just love judging people without thinking, he should at least put himself in your shoe, then he will realize that it's not easy at all. And I'm happy for standing for yourself, some people always think that because some people are quiet doesn't mean they can't also shout or talk, just that some people prefer peace than violence.
You've said it all sis....
And I did try my best to remain calm untill I couldn't bear it anymore and had to tell him to stop talking and act too.... because how can you, should I k!ll myself. I already know my limits, I know the stress I can take and what I can do, so I cant be push out there and then break down again and end up on the hospital bed.
Thanks a lot for your thoughtful and kind words.
Very well appreciated.
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Your uncle didn't understand you. He was judgemental. Glad you spoke up
Honestly....
Thanks a lot for stopping by.
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Biggy thanks buzzy 💯
Keep it up @marsdave! Your daily posts are inspiring and making a difference on Hive.
Thanks for the encouragement Buzzy 💯
What a difficult situation you had to go through with your uncle. Often, people just talk without understanding the other person's situation.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Excellent day.
Honestly..
So insensitive 🤦
Thanks a lot for stopping by.
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Your uncle tho! A bone in the neck. Glad you stood your ground and spoke up. 🫂
Honestly 💯...
Thanks a lot for stopping by.
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