My escape from pain (is it right or wrong?)

in The Ink Well3 months ago

Immediately I saw this prompt, it brings back an old memory that I would love to share with you all. Escape is a big word that has transformed many lives either positively or negatively. There are times we just want to escape lots of things that inconvenience us but to do that we have to try harder. I never knew love could bring so much pain, social media portrays love like it's the best thing in the world, and the naive ones would want to follow the thread thinking that's the best decision.

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One tends to feel betrayed when you don't get what you want from the love you so cherished. I do ask myself, "Why can't there be perfect love?" I haven't gotten a perfect answer to it yet, you can help with it if you know what the perfect answer could be. A few years ago, a scenario happened to me that made me rule out love from my front-line list. Getting betrayed after sacrificing all you get can make someone traumatized if proper care isn't taken.

Just as with every other normal girl, I fell in love with someone I believed was the best for me then, and it was going well. I got lost in the excitement that I'd gotten someone who was made for me forgetting myself in the process. I was so blinded that I made him the priority, neglecting myself like I didn't matter at all, this was when I learned that "people will address you the way you address yourself".

The relationship wasn't toxic yet it had some toxicity in it, but as a lover girl I turned a blind eye and ear to it all. If you want to get to me just advise me against him, you automatically become my enemy. I'm so deeply in love that the only thing I can see in my partner's behavior is the fake love he professes. One day my friend decided to give me advice which she later wished she hadn't given me because of the way I reacted.

"Can you just take it slowly? Why are you making it look like you are the only one in a relationship", she started. I looked at her sternly because I knew where she was driving but I intentionally left to conclude her lectures before giving her a befitting reply. "This guy doesn't even love you but you are not seeing it, why are you acting this way?", she kept lamenting and the only thing I could do was stare at her. At that time, I was working as an auxiliary nurse who had little cash to spare so most of the time I helped my so-called boyfriend financially.

"He is using you, can't you see?", she continued. It was then I snapped at her, "Are you the one he is using?" that was my first question. She looked at me in surprise with her mouth wide open, I guess she couldn't believe her ears. "He lies every day to get money from you and give it to another woman and here you are going overboard over such a man" she continued. "I can handle myself, just stop talking bad about him because you don't like him or do you want to date him?", I replied.

At that point, she couldn't believe her ears and she decided to leave me to dance to the tunes myself. I continued to shower praises, love, and attention on my boyfriend until he decided to show his true nature, I guess he couldn't hide it anymore. He possibly can't keep it up for life, human behavior is just like smoke, and no matter how much we try to hide it, it will always find its way out for the works to see. I couldn't possibly forget how I got backstabbed.

September 8, 2017, was his birthday and as his girlfriend, I decided to pay him a visit with a gift unknown to me that he had gotten himself a good birthday gift. On getting to his residence, I met him in bed with another girl, that day was one of the worst days of my life. At that instant, I felt empty like life was out of me, I never saw that coming, or maybe I did see it but pretended not to. I rushed back home with the last strength in me, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. On getting home, I broke down completely.

I couldn't believe what I saw, it was like my world was crumbling right in front of me. "I told you he isn't worth it, but you never listen, see the outcome", my friend said while trying to calm down. The more she talked, the more I hated myself and whatever decision I had taken then. "I wished I had listened to you" was the only word I could utter out from my mouth while weeping profusely and uncontrollably. I was expecting him to be sober and probably come to apologize for what he'd done but instead, he blocked me up on all his social media handles.

That even surprised me more, "how can he be so callous?", I asked my friend, "I had known he wasn't the right one but you wouldn't just listen to me" she replied. I was shocked at his animalistic behavior and the next day, I felt sick. I was seriously ill because I wasn't okay mentally, physically, and emotionally, I had to undergo treatment after being admitted to the hospital for almost two weeks. I couldn't stop crying and imagining how wicked he could be.

"How will I escape this tormenting moment I'm in", was the only thing I could think of next. "Does love exist?" I kept asking myself then I concluded that love doesn't exist. I decided to lock up and forget about love, even if I love someone, I decided to keep whatever I felt to myself as the only means to escape the pain of the past. I don't know whether this is right ope wrong but this is the only escape route I had to let go of the pains I felt in the past.

Thanks for your time and your comments will be appreciated.

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Love does exist, you just happened to love the wrong one, and thank goodness you had such a friend by yourself. From #dreemport

Hmmm thanks for reading

En ocasiones la única cosa que podemos rescatar de relaciones amorosas desiguales es la claridad sobre nuestra propia capacidad de amar. Aunque puede ser doloroso, al final podemos saber que tenemos un tesoro para ofrecer a alguien que realmente lo merezca. Ese conocimiento sobre uno mismo, saberse una persona buena, generosaa y capaz de amar intensamente puede convertirse en una guía para la vida.

@rare-gem escribe un CNF en el que relata el intenso dolor que sufrió al constatar el engaño que estaba sufriendo de parte de un novio que la utilizaba y al que no le importó su dolor. Una experiencia común que, sin embargo, emociona y se vuelve interesante cuando se cuenta en primera persona. 89 % TIW
https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@rare-gem/my-escape-from-pain-is

Sometimes the only thing we can rescue from unequal love relationships is clarity about our own capacity to love. Although it can be painful, in the end we can know that we have a treasure to offer to someone who truly deserves it. That knowledge about oneself, knowing oneself to be a good, generous and intensely loving person can become a guide for life.

You are right, it hurts alot

Thank you for this piece and sorry you and to undergo such. Most often, people blinded by love have an inclination that they are on a dangerous path but they wouldn't just listen to the deep inner voice.
As much as you escaped then, staying locked out from love may not be the answer. There are battles to be faced and overcome.
Thank you for the beautiful piece once again

Thanks for reading

Just whaoo.

I could feel the pain in the write up and I can say I understood how you felt but it must have been hard since i am a guy that has gotten his heart broken too. Well, Love do exist and I want to tell you that I will always be there for you and I love you. So dont hide your love and let the world know you are full of love

Awnnnnnbaby mi

Most of us suffer harm in relationships because we ignore so many red flags all in the name of love. You were just too carried away by his love. It's not your fault I understand. What that your first relationship?

Well, thank God you finally walked out of that cage of a relationship, just be patient, be prayerful and keep working on yourself, you will surely get a genuine man that truly loves you some day.

No matter how much you love someone try your best not to be a fool, don't show him that you love him more than he loves you. Am I saying you should be bossy? No, all I am saying is be wise.

There is no perfect love, we create it ourselves. But you can have that only when you have the right partner.

Exactly boss, thanks for your kind words

See you, who's your boss?? Am ya broh❤️😍🙈

Okay bro

Now you are talking 🥰

Betrayal of trust can be traumatizing. You loved the wrong person. Each experience comes with its unique lesson. A befitting person worthy of your love will come across you in no distant time. Don't close your eyes because of bad people so that you can see a good person when passing.

I'm trying but the pain persists