Source
Image by mokhaladmusavi edited by me on canva
What is she doing, I thought. Is she trying to get some sympathy whining like there is no tomorrow, I was annoyed; I hated people who whined and created a huge scene. I truly detested those kinds. I shuddered at that thought. I would never want anyone to know what I am going through. I'd like to handle my troubles myself at the most I'd ask for help without the drama and the waterworks.
"Don't judge," screamed the other voice in my head. "Some people can handle their emotions well, while others can't, you don't have to be mean. I know that you have created your own set of dramas".
"But I've never been so weak or vulnerable to cry in public. I have never cried like this in my days of misery", I protested. "Maybe not this much but I have seen the water works,' said the voice inside.
Faces appeared before my eyes, red eyes, swollen face, chin cupped in the hand - Oh this was when grandma passed on I thought. She was the only soul who really loved me with all my flaws.
Time out, facing the wall, pig tails in a mess - a picture of loneliness and despair tears streaked dirty face. The world was against me then, I thought, I was just six, no one loved me no one cared enough to correct me.
One thought lead to another, I learned to cry into the walls; in time I became a wall myself. By the time I was in my teens I learned to bridle every feeling, ever expression to a wooden face and dead eyes. There were hardly any expressions that crossed my pretty, young face. No one knew what went on between those eyes, nor did anyone care.
When Pearl died no one even bothered with me. I had lost a companion, a friend and a partner in crime. All eyes were on mother, all sympathy, hugs and love went towards father and mother. It was as if I did not exist.
What would a girl of ten understand about death the women said to each other as they spoke in low voices. She would play and forget they whispered. They sent me out to play, I played and laughed, but to sleep alone in the same room where Pearl once slept, filled me with dread. Pearl came back night after night to torment me. If I wandered to mother's room I would be sent back with , "Don't bother her child, she is a tormented soul. To lose a child so young is not easy, she is losing her mind" No one cared that I was losing her mind then.
A couple of years later father ran away with another woman, leaving mother and I to fend for ourselves. Mother sewed night and day. Her sewing machine became her only friend. She loved it more than she had ever loved me or Pearl.
At 15 I found happiness in anyone who offered me some kind of solace. I became an instrument of pleasure, a door mat and a nobody about whom no one really cared, even those that professed love and offered marriage.
At 18 I was pregnant. Mother eyed my growing stomach suspiciously, I couldn't hide it anymore. She dragged me by my hair and called me vulgar names. She even spat on my face and swore that I wasn't her child. She left me in the home for destitute women where I saw myself in the mirror for the first time in a long time.
I saw the child of six in that mirror. I broke down and cried for her. I was sorry for all the abuse, neglect and maltreatment she had faced and punished some more for bad behavior when she cried.
I was crying, beating myself in the stomach hoping that the child within would die. Where were these tears all these years I thought, what had become of that wall that had no emotions.
I didn't need sympathy or attention all I wanted was to let those tears run until I melted into insanity. Then, I would not feel anything anymore.
This is my first submission to The Ink Well community. Check this link if you'd like to write for this week's prompt Mirror
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.
Such a sad story.
The demise of her sister weighed her down so bad that she lost her way. There are so many people in the world today who go through the same burden.
This is a good use of interior monologue!
So many lives end this way, right?
The events from childhood to the present has made her what she is today.
The lack of another voice which could give her an objective perspective being missing in her life had lead her to this point.
The conflicting voices deep down are only driving her to the edge of insanity.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond @hillarypowers
Hello, @sofs-su
Welcome to the community!
You bring us a first story about the effects of complete poverty, economic and moral at the same time. A story with features of cruel social reality.
Let's hope that the voice that narrates in the first person lets out with tears the self-pity and learns to grow, now that inside her grows a life that will reactivate her survival instincts.
Thank you so much @gracielaacevedo
The inner conflict is often the most difficult part of life and if she is able to see the light through it all she would be able to save herself and her child.
The reality outside is one thing but the inner reality, the perception of the outside world is another thing totally, it is important that these meet at some point in life and come to an understanding for life to move forward.
Thanks for your wonderful interpretation of the story.
Welcome, @sofs-su! This is an interesting story, and an interesting take on the prompt. It's almost like the old saying, the pot calling the kettle black. The narrator realizes that she once cried and felt sorry for herself. This realization helps her to be more tolerant of another.
Thank you for posting your creative writing in the Ink Well community. Please become acquainted with our rules (which are mainly aimed at keeping the community a safe place). Also read our Manifesto. This story shows imagination and empathy. These are great ingredients for a writer.
Have you read and commented on the work of at least two other writers this week? (See The Ink Well community rules on our home page.) This helps our community thrive, and also makes you eligible to be chosen for a spotlight in our weekly highlights magazine. Thank you!
Thank you for the warm welcome.
The narrator and the protagonist are the same .. these are inner voices conflicting with each other which are finally brought together with a view in the mirror.
I will be reading the works of the other writers in this community and responding. I have been doing that even though I haven't written here thus far.
I hope to be contributing regularly to the Ink well community.. thank you so much.
How wonderful that you've joined us in The Ink Well, @sofs-su. I was hoping to see you here! You have a very creative mind, and you've produced a beautiful and painful piece of fiction here.
Reconciling the present, the past, and all that pain would be no easy feat for such a tormented soul. Your story builds in tension (a critical ingredient for a good story!), because we know something must happen as a result of the tête-à-tête with herself in the mirror. She must find a way to live with the realities of what she has been through, or let go of this life, lacking the will and strength to overcome the pain. Though it is subtle, your story's resolution (another critical ingredient of a good story) leads us to the conclusion that she will deal with her pain, even if only to numb herself with tears. For this reader (and admitted cockeyed optimist), I find myself hoping that she will ultimately be able to find her way.
Thank You @Jayna,
I have been dragging my feet around so this for ever so long lol, there is so much on offer at Hive that we are spoiled for choices.
Thank you for understanding the heart of my content so clearly.
These inner voices that speak give views as varied as the East is from the West.
Will she the light through all this conflict? Will she ever come out of it?
Or will she surrender to the escape route provided through insanity?
I hope she finds the right answers.
Life is the answer to the series of questions that are constantly rising from within.
A tragic story. I guess the mother has a hand in the way the child turned out to be.
She wasn't shown enough attention and care. Maybe the mother was too busy but at least she could have created a bonding time for her and her daughter.
They never took the child's feelings seriously and look how it turned out.
Beautiful write up!.
It is a tragic reality I see so often.
The family, the society, the circumstances which surround a person have a major part to play in their life.
The inner conflicts arise from these and the individual's ability to over come these inner voices and see things for what they are determine the results.
Thanks @malopie, for reading and responding. Much appreciated.
I totally agree with you.
And it my pleasure @sofs-su.
It's sad how the death of one child made the mother neglect the other. Grief does different things to different people and it especially gets worse when a parent loses a child.
I just wish she had payed more attention to the living than the dead then maybe things would have turned out differently.
Nice write up!
Hmm the absolute indifference of the family to the psychological trauma in the child leads to the current situation.
The mother could have a major part in this, but how the community's ignorance adds on to build up her inner conflict and take her to the heights of desperation is the crux of the story.
Thank you so much @blezyn for taking the time to read and respond.
Such a tragic story, if only everyone had paid a bit more attention to the child who lost her sister none of this would have happened
This story gave me goosebumps and I was hooked from start to finish excellent stuff
Absolutely, but each person is lost in his or her own battles. Parents today hardly have time for their children.
Thank you for your encouraging feedback.
Hello hello and yay - great to see you here :D
A lot of us go down a spiral looking for validation
Looking for love in all the wrong places, so sad
I hope she comes to love herself and be that which she needed for her little one
Though it sounds like a bad start already 😢
You mean I have a bad start with this one or the girl has? Just kidding.
This validation addiction/dependency is a huge thing, it could take the unsuspecting down rabbit holes.
No matter how much negativity self-love faces we need it to pull us out of struggles like these.
Thank you for reading and giving me your feedback @kaerpediem
Hello @sofs-su. Welcome to The Ink Well. What a sad story and awesome realization a child has to come to terms with. I love when you say:
Silent heartache. Only those who have experienced it will know.
Thank you for this eye-opening story of pain.
That is right it is a story of pain and mental agony.
Thanks for highlighting this portion of the story that struck you.
I appreciate your feedback very much.
!LUV
<><
@sofs-su, you've been given LUV from @justclickindiva.
Check the LUV in your H-E wallet. (1/10)
Thank you so much for your Luv!!
@sofs-su, this comment has been manually curated with LUV.
Check the LUV in your H-E wallet.
Thank you @luvshares!!
Wow, that's so powerful, so incredible @sofs-su. Beautifully written.
Thank you @nineclaws, I guess you must be one of those few who read.LOL
I love writing prose poetry but people anywhere can't seem to understand.
I give up each time and then my emotions take over LOL
A funny relationship I have with publishing poetry of any kind.
It's so well done and yes, I do read, love books, stories, prose, poetry. That is a funny relationship you have with publishing poetry, LOL
When emotions flow poetry follows, but there is not much understanding or appreciation here lol.. so I give up each time only to be nudged again by passion.
Follow your passion, truly. You can't go wrong with that.
A writer with no reader is as good as none. LOL
I think I'll tell you this then.....
Many whom I've shown my art to, or talked about creative things, are completely uninterested. Creating is a need. It doesn't matter if there is no one to see it. If it's in you, bring it into being. Also, patience, valuing yourself for what you do, finding delight in it, those are all important.
Besides, I have enjoyed reading all the posts of yours I've read. This one really made me pause and captured my attention in a whole new way. Powerful writing. I appreciate that kind of work.
Powerful and emotional writing WOW
Thank you @tattoodjay. Glad you like it.
Thank you , its such a beautiful video. Explain it all.
There are SO MANY people going through this ... this was TOO REAL ... but we need these reminders to make sure to look out for EVERYBODY in a grieving situation ... well done and well written!
That is so true @deeannmathews .
That was my thought as well. People need more attention while they grieve, especially children even though they don't seem like they are grieving.
Sometimes as mental health professional we give these advice to people but when it is served through a entertainment media like this I feel it reaches people better.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond, I appreciate this very much.
You write for the same reason that I do, more or less ... we live in an age in which people don't want to be told what they need to do, but they will absorb from fiction and entertainment. So, truthtelling by means of fiction is important, and of course, it is indeed our human heritage to do that. Sometimes, one has to reach back to the fundamentals! Welcome to the Ink Well!
Wonderful to meet you. Let's continue doing what we do best!!
Painful indeed, Crying/tears are the cleansing of the mind and soul. They help us give vent to our pain.. but when we lock sorrows within they are bound to erupt sometime like a volcano.
Thank you so much for stopping by to read and share your experience @ubanii