Based on a true story. ~1500 Words
On the last day of the week, with the excitement of it being Friday, Tim, Will, and AK decided to go out. The wait felt similar to anticipating a flight boarding announcement, where each moment leading up to their turn mirrored the slow progression of the weekdays. When finally, their boarding group was called, it brought both relief and a sense of respite from the wearying wait.
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Tim, having been married for a long time, accepted his fate and went out on Friday nights. Marrying young, he felt the aftershocks of missing out on certain experiences and the impossibility of living them, which increasingly pushed him into depression. AK, being single, didn't fully understand Tim's problems, but Will, who was also married, tried to comfort him with a bit more understanding. Actually, Tim's life wasn't too difficult compared to AK, who had learned a new language in this foreign country, adapted to a new culture, and left his homeland, family, and loved ones behind. For him, not marrying was an opportunity, and even solitude was a gift.
Will was a character who spread his joy wherever he went. He quickly made friends in every environment he entered, and the level of his happiness increased as he drank, like the water in a glass. But every glass has a capacity. When Will reached his glass's capacity, the joy inside turned to sadness, and he suffered from not having many close friends around him. At least his marriage was a happy one, and he managed to quickly pull himself together and turn the spilled drops of water around his glass back into joy.
They had gone to their favorite bars in the pencil-drawn streets of New York City. While their joyful conversations continued under the dim lights, the noise of the crowd enveloping them was like the coats they wrapped themselves in on a winter day. Although they were elbow to elbow in the seats they occupied, the conversations at the next table, no matter how close, were just as distant. Even if they could clearly hear the next table, they were sure that in this place, no one had any idea what anyone else was saying. As the groups focused on their conversations, everything else had become white noise.
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Tim's phone rang as Will recounted how he had nearly started a fire in the office, causing them to laugh so hard that their faces hurt. The light from the phone screen shining on Tim's dark skin created a glow, making his facial features more visible in the dim environment. His smile turned serious within a few seconds, and he said he needed to take the call and stepped out of the bar.
Will and AK then decided to take a smoke break, and since AK couldn't roll a cigarette, he started looking into Will’s eyes. He pulled out a yellow cigarette packet from his pocket, first rolling one for his friend and then, even more carefully, one for himself. About 5 minutes had passed when Tim returned. Will, rolling his eyes, had to give Tim the last rolled cigarette, and after rolling another one, the trio headed outside. AK quickly returned to the table and placed the beer coasters on top of their beers as a sign that they would return.
When they went outside, while expecting Tim to talk about his phone call, this conversation never came up. On the contrary, Tim had regained his spirits and was talking about the soccer league they played in while deeply inhaling his cigarette. Just then, his phone rang again. This time, he answered it there; it was his wife. Will and AK tried to continue the conversation, but Tim's voice started to rise. The duo, not understanding what was happening, waited for the conversation to end. After hanging up, Tim took a deep breath and said his wife was coming to the bar by taxi and that she was very drunk, so the taxi driver had called him. This news crushed the group's spirits and also started a tense wait.
The group decided to go inside and finish their beers. Tim said he could track his wife's phone. Normally, this information would bring up several questions at another time, but the slight tension in the atmosphere created an environment where it was not right to press Tim. He placed the phone in the middle of the table, and the trio started to watch the live location. AK, due to his profession, was explaining which road she would come by while the taxi did not take that turn. Taking advantage of this, Will started to tease AK, but the taxi missed the second turn as well. It was speeding south on the highway. Tim thought the internet might not be working and decided to call his wife. Despite calling several times, no one answered. The taxi was moving fast towards south Brooklyn. Tim suddenly stood up and said he was going to find his wife. Will stated he was in a condition to drive and that maybe the taxi would have taken Tim's wife directly to their house. The group hurriedly finished their beers and rushed to the car.
As they drove over the speed limit on the highway, AK watched the lights on the road from the window. The lights first hit the ground, then reflected into the car and lit up the interior like a flash before surrendering to darkness. This same situation occurred in a 2-3 second cycle, and each time, the already quiet environment became even quieter. As they approached the end of their 15-minute drive, the tension had increased, and no one had said a single word. During this time, Tim lost all connection with his wife's phone and was fixated on the screen, showing the last location of the vehicle.
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As Will pointed to their floor with his hand and said the house light was on while parking the car, Tim burst out of the car as soon as it stopped and ran towards the apartment door. AK said from the back seat that he thought she wasn't probably home. Will gave him an angry look. Actually, he knew what AK said was true but was upset by his being so emotionless and faithless, yet he also respected his realism. Before the duo could find themselves in an argument, Tim came back to the car. He said no one was home.
The car started to move again, and the group no longer knew where they were going. All they knew was to head south, and they continued to do so, hoping to see something on the road. They had already passed the last seen location of the taxi. Tim suddenly shouted to stop the car. As the car stopped, everyone got out and scattered. They started running, looking into parks and gardens, beside trash containers, between streets, and between apartment buildings. Even though the trio had separated, everyone knew they were all doing the same thing. At that moment, Tim's phone rang again.
It was his wife's number, but he heard someone else's voice when he answered. He couldn't say anything due to the panic, but the voice on the other end told him that he had found this phone and if he wanted to pick it up, he should come to the gas station. Tim shared this information with the others in a group message, and the trio found themselves in the car one more time. While driving to the gas station, they thought there would be some kind of fight, but the opposite happened. A father and his son had found the phone and were telling the group that a drunk woman had tried to get on a bus. When asked where they last saw her, the father said it was a mile past the gas station. As Tim ran towards the car to find her as soon as possible, he thanked the father and the son. AK and Will hesitated for a moment, then joined Tim’s run.
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After a very short drive, a silhouette appeared at the end of the road to the group. She must have been disturbed by the car lights because she was trying to cover her eyes with her arm. As they approached, this strange silhouette transformed into the familiar Carrie. The group struggled to hold back tears as they saw Tim’s wife again. As soon as the car stopped, everyone burst out and hugged Carrie in a trio. The woman, with tears in her eyes, couldn't believe they had found her while the group's troubles had seemingly disappeared.
This is a nicely chiseled story that reads like a modern Great Gatsby. Very nice ambient world that transports the reader to a world of tangled lives and histories. I do think it's missing some dialogue. The narrator's voice is great, but I think the characters could use some actual dialogue, so we can hear the sounds of the story and their responses to the events. You do a great job of describing this world of lost angels, and I think this makes the story come alive.
Hello @litguru.
This is such a great comment. I really wanted to add some dialogue, but I also didn't want to extend the story. I was trying to stay within 1500 words for a short but concise story. I hope to add similar stories based on my real-life experiences that will have more actual dialogue in the future.
Thank you for your input!
Right on! ✍️
I'm glad they finally found Carrie after all the rollercoaster they went through. She gave them a genuine scare
I am also glad that we found Carrie after all that, @trexane! Thanks for reading!
Hello @steinhammer,
Your nonfiction story is very good. The story creates a heavy atmosphere, almost like a Raymond Chandler novel. It is a dark night and the errant taxi with Tim's wife is possibly heading toward her doom. Where is she? The search of the three friends ends well, but there is a sense of gloom overriding the piece. There is first of all what seems to be the woman's alcoholism. There is a darkness to that, which cannot be resolved in the space of a short story.
You hint at Tim's marital difficulties in the beginning of the piece. Now we see beneath the curtain. Each of these friends comes to the bar with a history. We now know more about Tim's.
The story is sensitive, intriguing and well developed. @litguru's comment is apt, but this reader did not miss dialog. Somehow, the narration, unbroken, felt like a train speeding toward a tragic conclusion. Dialog might have broken that illusion. Fortunately, the conclusion was not tragic, although Tim's personal challenge remains on the table.
Thank you for sharing this with us, @steinhammer.
First of all, thank you for reading it, @theinkwell.
At the beginning of the story, I tried to describe the dynamics among the trio and provide a bit of information about each of them. My aim was to highlight how the dark and depressive atmosphere that New York especially gives during the winter months, although not enough to spoil the group's cheer, was suddenly replaced by anxiety and panic with shocking news.
While Tim's problems with his wife align, I also wanted to emphasize that in reality, none of the issues they face are more important than losing each other. Since this story was an event I was also personally involved in, I thought I could express these feelings more clearly.
Honestly, I never thought I would receive such a beautiful review from the outside. Your comment beautifully captures the details while providing an extremely satisfying summary of the entire story. I thought that an idea about each character could be formed from a few things they said, instead of mutual dialogue. There will be stories I want to write involving dialogue, but length was an important criterion for this one. It's really hard to convey something like this in just over 1500 words. For that reason, I owe thanks to the Ink Well community. I feel like it was a great learning/writing experience for me.
Thank you again for reading and commenting.
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