Have you ever been in a life situation that you are not sure you can overcome?
You chose your path carefully and in detail, you sacrificed many things that will make you also happy, all for the sake of some higher and distant goal. You endured countless sufferings and pains so that at one point you could look over your shoulder, look at the chaos and disorder of your past, and say with great pride - it was worth it. And then, somewhere in between, halfway to that moment of looking back, you stopped. You know very well that it is not yet a moment to look back and it seems to you that forward is not an option. Then you wander for a while, you are in a strange circle of events when you often look around. That looking around, and off your own path of success, is what doesn’t allow you to see clearly ahead. And you are aware of that, but you are not sure if it is an illusion or you really can't go beyond the point where you are? You don’t know if that might be the end point of your journey without you even noticing. Or maybe it’s your maximum. After all, maybe life set that moment for you, because it is enough for you without you even being aware of it.
None of us has the same answers to such questions. No one even has a hint of an answer, just a simple wandering in the dark of the unknown. Even I don't have any answer, and I thought that after centuries of existence, something would be clearer to me.
It wasn't always easy, I was both a poet and a critic. Times have broken me and carried me down the paths of destiny, and in one life I was a beggar and a king. Darkness seized me, endless and gripping darkness made me both a jailer and a prisoner. I was a husband and a lover, a servant and a statesman. Many lives were ahead of me, and many others were written in history books. No wisdom could prepare me for my own spiritual stumbling block.
Destroyed and burned cities remained behind me. I carried sins on my soul, I still carry some. Shortly afterwards, I raised the entire Republics and Kingdoms from the ashes of history. I started wars because of little things like unanswered love letters. I didn’t end some wars even when I lost everything. I brought a time of prosperity where chaos reigned for millennia. I brought magic back into the world that was hidden from history, and then I stole it again from the world. And now, after all, I stand still.
Through it all, I had companions, but I was alone. I lived with friends for decades. Loved and was loved.
Like now, facing my wall, I am completely alone.
It is never fun to be the last of a breed, to close the door on history and to have nothing left to pursue!
Just that, it’s not about closing chapter in life. It's about the end of a long journey.
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What came to mind, as I read yours story, Peggy Lee singing, "Is That All There Is?"
In a way both the song and your story have a hint of nihilism. Really, what's the point of going forward or looking back. Nothing changes, in the end. Nothing makes a difference. Looking back, looking forward, standing still: the condition is the same. Alone.
On another level, I once wrote a book about a vampire (ha, ha, ha) who was a bit of a nihilist until he found compassion. In affecting a change in someone's life, even a small change, he found meaning. Time didn't stand still, but the moments of his life had significance.
Thanks for the prompt that led my mind in different directions (my mind often strays in different directions).
That is important sentence. I just pictured old, ruined man in an old cabin, remembering old days.
Hello, @stormlight24!
As I read through your text I had the impression that you were speaking of someone all-powerful who had the power to mutate and experience time without hindrance.
What a great power this protagonist experiences; a power that turns to sand when he revisits his own history.
In the end, he is just a man who does not know what the meaning of aspirations is, or whether they are a way to deceive us while we are alive and while we are dying. We will die, as beggars die, having been a king or a poet.
These are questions without answers, or rather, with the only answer: we are all alone in life.
Someone who has lived through everything, created history and now is the time to give up on everything. Thanks for the nice words.
This is a sad story of a lonely heart. Truly it's not easy being the last of your kind and knowing that besides you there is n one other.
You depict the agony of the narrator so accurately. Good job there.
Exactly that, thanks for the insight and reading.
Nice one, have some !LUV and !PIZZA
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