Hello @captainman. Your story appears rushed this week with poor grammar and punctuation, entire sentences that make no sense, and which appear to mean the opposite of what you intended. Your piece would have benefited from an edit to capture these issues so they could have been corrected before publication. As it stands, attention to detail was lacking and impacted the readability and enjoyment of this story. The story also felt underdeveloped - highly narrative focused and therefore imbalanced. It needed more show than tell which can be derived by improved use of dialogue, expression, and experience of your characters through the senses. We also note that you have not supported any other writers this week. One of The Ink Well's key guidelines as a community is that we require writers to support at least two other writers in the community for each story they submit - this requires meaningful engagement.
We hope that you take onboard our advice to spend a bit more time developing your stories, which requires additional word count and the employment of more aspects of fiction writing such as show don't tell, refining your stories through editing, and supporting the works of others. We look forward to seeing what you can do with your next piece. Keep writing!
Correction noted.
I promise to do as you have said. Thanks so much for the correction and checking up my post.