This narrative has the makings of a decent story, but you do need to introduce dialogue to create some balance. Running your draft through a few checks before publishing would catch also issues with grammar, punctuation, and spelling, which take away from the piece. Have you tried using Google docs or Grammarly before?
Please ensure that you use the correct tags when posting stories in the community so that it is easy to identify whether your story is a work of fiction or creative non-fiction.
Thank you for writing in The Ink Well
Thanks @theinkwell. The feedback is helpful.