Your story is interesting, @do777. However, without a main character to relate to, it is very difficult for a reader to become involved in the story, even with the action and suspense. We recommend checking out our character-building resources, which you can find in our catalog of fiction writing tips:
Note that we also ask everyone who posts in The Ink Well to engage in the community by reading and commenting on at least two other stories for each one posted. Thank you.