Your parable-like story is interesting, @estilodereba. We'd like to suggest some of our resources that can help you continue to develop your fiction writing craft. Consider working on character development and dialogue, which can really bring a story to life.
Here are some relevant resources in our catalog of fiction writing tips:
Additionally, please be sure to engage in the community. We ask everyone who posts in The Ink Well to read and comment on the work of at least two other community members for each one published. Thank you.
Yes, I have commented on the works that I like. Ok, I'll follow your recommendations, thanks