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RE: Of Lullabies

in The Ink Welllast year

Hello @lienric,
Welcome to the Inkwell. You write emotionally effective prose. The personality of your narrator comes through, and a sombre atmosphere pervades the story. Love comes through, as does sorrow and longing. It is an achievement for a writer to have this impact on the reader.

You ask for feedback. While the story is clear that a separation has taken place, we are not entirely clear as we read as to the sequence of events. We recognize that a meeting occurred on a train. The narrator meets a party who comforts (her?). In the second dialogue we wonder if you have changed POV or if the narrator has now become the comforter. We're not sure why a separation has occurred.

This is such a subjective piece that some of these questions don't have to be answered. The story is about emotion, longing, separation. But still, we are as readers interested in sorting out these answers. Perhaps there is a way in the text for you to clarify some of these points, without disrupting the flow of the story.

Thank you for sharing this with us. We do expect writers in the community to support at least two other authors in the Inkwell. There are many opportunities to write--fiction prompts, non fiction prompts and free writing, as you have done here.

Looking forward to reading more from you (acquaint yourself with our rules just to be clear about the community culture).