Forged — Hive

Freya never liked shopping, not in the literal sense but because that was when her mind wandered the most.

After a major setback in her life, she had moved from the bustling city of Geneva to the quiet and calm side, Savannah. She worked as a journalist for years and was rising to the top until she got into trouble for writing a big story and exposing the government’s corruption which eventually led to serious threats and then blacklisting. Life became unbearable afterward, so she packed up her things to a place that was serene with no drama or noise, a place she hoped would dull the ache she felt.

One rainy afternoon, she had gone shopping for some cleaning products and provisions at a small locally owned store, "Treasure Hunt Grocer". She opened the door of the supermarket with a chiming bell, grabbed a basket and began picking the things she needed. Half-way through shopping she reached for a box of cereal and noticed something wedged between the different boxes of cereal—an old crumpled receipt, she couldn’t bring herself to toss it in the waste bin, she was curious to know what was on it.

Freya opened it slowly and saw a list of items that startled her, the list of items she saw contained things that were too personal to her, every item was from her childhood.

Honey biscuit—her favourite snack when she was little.
Raspberry Jam—her mother’s absolute favourite.
La Vida soap—her aunty’s best soap for laundry.

"What’s this?" She thought to herself, "this should be a coincidence." Freya said tucking the piece of paper into her brown jacket. She paid for her items at the counter and left.

A week later she heard her door bell ring…her heart skipped, she wasn’t expecting anyone, she hadn’t shared her address with anyone, she hadn’t even made any friends. She walked slowly to the door, "who’s that?" , no one responded; she peeped through the peephole but no one was there. Her eyebrows furrowed, she was sure she heard the doorbell ring, she opened the door looked around but still there was no sign of anyone.

As she turned to go back into the house, she stepped on something— it was a small envelope just lying on the floor, she picked it up and saw something oddly strange yet personal.

Birth Certificate (Adams Diane), born on 17-05-2000 at Scheiders hospital in the city of Ashgrove.

She was born on the 17th of May, 2000 at Schneiders hospital in the city of Ashgrove but her name had always been, "Solomon Freya". "Could this be just a coincidence? , What exactly is going on?"

She looked so puzzled and unsettled, she had never seen a real copy of her birth certificate, just the copy. Freya concluded someone was probably playing pranks and forgot about it, but the envelopes with receipts and documents kept coming in, each one referencing something so personal—places from her childhood, locations she had been to, even business partners her parents had worked with.

Finally an envelope came in that prompted Freya to dig into her past, it contained;

Forged Adoption Papers.
First class flight ticket for two passengers from Ashgrove to Geneva.
A picture of a baby.

It was picture of Freya as a baby—the doe eyes, large dimples and the exact birthmark on her left arm. She couldn’t hold it in, she called her mom.."Mom are you and dad really my biological parents? Is there something I need to know about my birth?"
Her mom was quiet for some seconds and finally said "I knew it was only a matter of time before you found out" and ended the call.

Freya began investigating as her supposed parents refused to speak further, she employed her journalistic skills and began searching for who exactly was sending those envelopes and It led her to a middle-aged woman, the owner of "The Treasure Grocer" local market.

"Who are you? And why have you been sending those envelopes?" Freya asked.

"You’re smart just like your mother, I knew you would follow those clues, it was the only way I could get to you." The lady replied.

"I’m still lost, can you speak in a way I will understand?"

The lady smiled and looked into Freya’s eyes. "I’m Lola, your mother’s best friend. You were stolen and adopted with forged papers, you were fifteen years when your real parents discovered the truth, they have been trying to reach you ever since and haven’t given up.”

Freya fought back tears.

"They didn’t want to scare you” , Lola continued, "so we had to find a subtle way to tell you. The truth sometimes needs time."

Freya went home that evening packed up her bags and asked Lola for her real parents' address.

"Do you think they will be happy to see me?" She asked.

"They have waited all their lives for this moment" , Lola replied giving her a tight hug.

Two days later, Freya stood in front of a beautiful mansion and requested to see the owners of the house. "You must be Ms. Diane, please come in, your parents have waited forever for you"

The door flung wide open, a man holding a cup of coffee and a woman standing beside him gasped.

"Diane?!!"

Freya just stepped forward without uttering a word.

They ran towards Diane and gave her a big hug with tears of joy streaming down their faces.

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Freya discovered the whole truth from shopping.

Thank you for your continuous support 🙏

Hello @tranquil3,

I applaud you for coming up with such a novel response to the prompt. This really is quite a tale, and you manage to tie it in with the character's distaste for shopping. That sort of works. You describe the different clues in a way that makes the reader (me) want to find out what's going on. Keeping reader's interest is the most challenging part of story craft.

There is a critique I would like to offer, something that structurally might make your story stronger. In a short short story (which this is, coming in at under 1000 words), it's really important to stay focused from beginning to end on the arc, on the motivation and story line. In this case you begin with the idea of her retreating because of her difficulties in her journalism job. That's a thread we expect you to follow as the story progresses. However, you then begin the thread of the mystery notes and her kidnapping. It's not a good idea to have two major threads floating about in a short story. While you resolve the second thread, there is still the first unresolved. It's a good idea to make her a journalist. That fits in with her curiosity and investigation about the notes. The business about the corruption investigation is merely a distraction.

Please note that I make this suggestion as one writer to another. You are free to dismiss my critique. If you find this suggestion useful, I hope it helps you to craft more structurally sound stories in the future.

Happy writing!