This is an intriguing story, with a strong writing voice and some great details, @ubani1. However, it's a bit difficult to follow at times. For example, just before the transition from Grimwade's narrative to Longhorn's story, he says this:
My Impression, at first, was to live his story and avoid taking anything that would lead to me or blame me for his death.
Maybe "live" was meant to to be another word?
This story would likely benefit from an edit in Google docs, as described in our article Help for the Grammatically Challenged. Using Google Docs is a great way to find and fix some of the wording and grammatical issues in a story.
One other suggestion: You might use the quote tool for Longhorn's story. You just put a > in front of each paragraph. Then we could see where his story starts. Hopefully these suggestions are helpful!
This is a very different sort of story, @ubani1. Longhorn seems to be revealing secrets, and sort of confessing some crimes, including murder, and a pact with the devil in the story he leaves behind. A few places could use some clarification.
If you do decide to make some edits, we'd truly appreciate if you would leave out the child abuse, as we ask writers to avoid these themes in stories (which is stated in the rules). Thank you!
This is an intriguing story, with a strong writing voice and some great details, @ubani1. However, it's a bit difficult to follow at times. For example, just before the transition from Grimwade's narrative to Longhorn's story, he says this:
Maybe "live" was meant to to be another word?
This story would likely benefit from an edit in Google docs, as described in our article Help for the Grammatically Challenged. Using Google Docs is a great way to find and fix some of the wording and grammatical issues in a story.
One other suggestion: You might use the quote tool for Longhorn's story. You just put a > in front of each paragraph. Then we could see where his story starts. Hopefully these suggestions are helpful!
This is a very different sort of story, @ubani1. Longhorn seems to be revealing secrets, and sort of confessing some crimes, including murder, and a pact with the devil in the story he leaves behind. A few places could use some clarification.
If you do decide to make some edits, we'd truly appreciate if you would leave out the child abuse, as we ask writers to avoid these themes in stories (which is stated in the rules). Thank you!