Hello everyone, this is my entry for the contest, and i'm glad am able to participate. I would like to say thank you to everyone that dropped their comments in the first draft. It really helped me to spot out my mistakes, and now I have made some corrections. Most of the comments were regarding towards adding a dialogue or action into the story, which i did now. Thank you once again, especially to @inkwell for hosting such a great contest.
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Thank you, @ubani1. We look forward to reading it.
Good luck!
Hello @ubani1. I don't know if it's too late to give you my feedback. If so, then maybe you can think about it if you ever decide to continue on at some point with the next chapter in your protagonist's search.
You have a nice investigation story that's suspenseful. Jessie/Amanda goes on a quest to locate her biological mother. That's understandable. Also, she's in a position to investigate it fully with the career path she's chosen. You've given a career path for your main character that's opposite her biological mother - law enforcement vs. foreign spy. That's intriguing, and how it's resolved we don't yet know.
I didn't get a chance to read your first draft. I just went back and read it. I didn't leave any comments, but will address them here.
My name is [Jessy,] an African American lady, who lives two blocks away from my parent's home. [Jesse] isn't my real name
Take care.
Thank you for participating in the contest, @ubani1. I see you've received some additional feedback. You are allowed to make additional changes, as long as they are completed today, August 1. Good luck!