Hello again community. I start this by saying that I just want a place to express myself, I will not say much because the feeling that motivated me to do this illustration has already faded and now I feel fine.

sad again.jpg

This person is me. A week ago I bleached my hair. I think I look very good hahaha. Now I look like this. 😄

I could not draw myself properly until I started to draw mariqueritas, I had a good progress, however, as I explained when entering this platform, mariqueritas became a character almost separate from me, we are two different people; What I am going to is that, after having mariqueritas, I could not draw myself again, I did not do it well, however, this time I did.

The day I decided to make this illustration, I was very sad. When I went to the psychologist he explained to me that I do not allow myself to express myself or communicate. My feelings are locked up and very few times, only as a last resort I manage to release them. The day I decided to make this illustration, I felt like on many other occasions, gagged. Throughout my 25 years my opinion has been so invalidated and my words and feelings so ignored that I made myself a box. The day I started this drawing I remembered that my soul keeps a secret that according to my mother, should not be revealed. My hands were tied and gagged ... Today that has not changed, however, making this drawing helped me a lot, I take it more calmly.
Illustrating has been a huge escape and a great tool to calm my sadness, fear and anxieties. Today I am grateful for being able to come here to express myself.

About the illustration.

My name is Laura, those who see there are Lauras, a representation of the feeling that sometimes overwhelms me, a feeling that I do not allow myself to express. The smallest Laura that is up almost in the center of the illustration, is my light, that happy Laura, who illuminates all the others, she is my light but she is also a guardian, she is the one who stands out for the others who are Come exhausted, she clears my mind and restarts my life. It is both good and bad, sometimes it is a lie. I hope that with professional help and time, that tiny Laura that you can hardly see, will be the brightest light and the original Laura forever.

I live in the skies, in the galaxy, in space and that is why Lauras have that beautiful background. The Lauras look exhausted, but they also look a bit threatening and annoying. That is my armor, when I was a child, when I suffered so much bullying by my siblings, I decided to adopt a rude and threatening posture so that people who were not in my life would not bother me, I decided since I was little to be someone to fear only with see me. Don't think bad, I never hurt anyone, I came to have the intention of being the bully, but from the bottom of my being, I can't help but always put other people's feelings before mine, I always thought, "what will it feel like? that person if I hurt her? " and that's why I never dared. I am not going to say that I am a Saint, because I did think of doing bad things, but hey ... Over time I developed my armor to perfection and few came close to my bad face hahahaha. I don't regret it, I like people to think that I can clearly defend myself ... And that's what the illustration is about (as far as I can remember) hahaha I hope you like it.

I was guided by references to do the poses that I thought would represent me ... My skin tone is a little yellowish.

I had to put a darker background to be able to erase with precision the color that came out of the lines. I don't see very well hahaha!

For the hair, I thought about making stains and then joining them with a dispersion and texture brush, but something did not go well hahaha so I changed the plan, it turned out as I wanted.