📷 © @beautifulwreck, this is me.
Greetings, fellow humans. I salute you from the 8th circle of Dante's exotic resort.
My story is full of terrors of the worst kind: those inherent to human nature. But dread not, friend, as horror brings light to those who keep their eyes open.
For years I've let my traumas speak and act for me. For years I've seen my demons lie to protect me. And I say, as I lay oozing from a thousand wounds, it's enough. They must stop. For you, who could need them, I come bearing my truths. There's no time to waste, so please sit back and listen.
Who I am
📷 © @beautifulwreck, me as a child.
I'm a female by birth. My identity comes from the constant flux of the yin and the yang in my energy. It is both masculine and feminine, scorching fire and numbing ice. I'm Abraxas; good, evil, both, and neither.
I've lived 27 years, never thought I'd see the first lights of a 28th. I'm still not convinced I will, being honest. I carry a deadly tag, a self-inflicted target in my back, to which only I can aim. The diagnosis states chronic depression, manic disorder, and ADHD. Still, I'm a whole human beyond that, even when I'm too exhausted to acknowledge it.
I am my love for reading, which I discovered when I was three. One Thousand and One Nights I spent sailing other people's stories. My experience with the first books fueled the passion I have for writing. My pain indeed transforms it into a love-hate situation, but I do love writing to feel and to make others feel.
I live in one of South America's poorest countries. This means I have been training my whole existence to survive in harsh conditions. Resilience is a trait some wear as a badge of honor, but I'm tired of having to endure whatever punches life throws at me. I prefer to say that I inhabit the skein of my dreams, the one I've been weaving and untangling to construct a future. In my design, my home is a cozy place in a country like Canada, with a culture that encourages growth.
For you to understand the kind of person I am, know the following. I would take as many hits as necessary to at last convict my mother's abusive partner. I would do it to protect my youngest brother, his son, who he most definitely doesn't deserve. I would let the monster break my bones if I could shatter his entire existence after.
I am also a sister who takes food out of her mouth to feed her siblings. A daughter that gives everything to receive nothing until there's only emptiness left. I've sinned against myself for the sake of the holiest cause, to protect a child. I don't expect anyone to understand; still, I cry for forgiveness.
Looking back, I'm confronted with the terrible reality of not knowing who I am anymore. I'm not sure if I ever did. I can't merely be the scattered pieces of a thousand broken glasses, can I?
Who I'm not
📷 by Jaroslav Devia on Unsplash.com
I'm not Eliza. That's not my real name. She is a fictional character I've constructed to be able to use my voice. Eliza is a young girl who disappeared into thin air, and no one ever found her. I'm determined to find myself sooner rather than later. We are both daughters of chaos. We are the Óreiðudóttir.
Why I'm here
📷 by Aaron Burden on Unsplash.com
I believe society pushes kids, if not forces them, to pick a career way too soon in their lives. At least, I have to admit it was my case. In my heart, I've always known that writing is my calling, and yet I allowed my environment to deviate me from it. I have a college background in Biology but didn't get a degree. Although it gave me a lot of experience, it wasn't the right path for me as a professional.
Another subject I'm passionate about is languages. For me, it's easy to adapt to the culture behind learning a new language. My mother tongue is Spanish, but I've found some truths only emerge when I write in English. It must be a way of detaching from traumatic experiences.
I've tried to cope through writing many times. I've had other blogs in the last few years, but they have all come to a silent halt. It tends to happen after I crash against the wall of judgment. I can't be myself and use my birth name while also being truthful and not hurting anyone. I want to hold forth my story this time. Thus, I mean my words only for people who don't know who I am. Perhaps like this, we can find out together.
So, what can you expect from my voice and this space I've crafted for it? I will bring here new, unpublished content: the works of my mind as I reshape it and rewire it to its original self. In this corner of the internet, the wreck I am has the potential of becoming something beautiful. I intend to pursue that aspiration, writing from a more mature mindset this time. I'll explore if fiction, as told from the reality I own, could transform the past. No more of thinking, "what if none of it had happened the way it did?" Now, I wonder, what if everything did happen as I remember it?
I only found your intro post now. It's beautiful. I am glad you did not become part of the 'club of 27'. Your story deserves to be told.
Un fuerte abrazo,
Vincent
P.S. I feel like connecting you to a ( South-American ) friend of mine on here, @drrune His work might interest - and perhaps help - you and - vice versa - Javier, you might enjoy a @beautifulwreck 's writing :<)
Thank you, Vincent aka hypersensitivosaurus, I'm glad that I might get to be 28 too. Don't forget to wish me a happy birthday next 16th! Haha. I just wrote a very powerful poem that still has me shook up to the core. It's weird to finally find the words to expel what my mind screams. Will post it later, you might find it interesting.
As for your friend, @drrune, well, nice to meet you! I will check your content, I read something about runes and I'd like to know more.
Hello! Your introduction is quite amazing. Poetic, like @traciyork said. I don't know which country you're from, but I can fully understand the general complexities of living in a Latin American nation. Whatever you need to know about the Runes, I'd be happy to oblige! Welcome to Hive!
Hi, @drrune! Thank you for your words of appreciation. I'm from Venezuela, same as you, so I know for sure you understand.
I appreciate the welcoming!
I will try to remember the 16th of December ;<)
two days after the 31st birthday of my 'baby' brother.
I will keep a close eye on your blog. It always gives me a boost to discover interesting writers/ personal storytellers like you. That doesn't happen on a daily basis ;<)
Welcome beautifulwreck!
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Hello @beautifulwreck! This is @traciyork from the @ocd (Original Content Decentralized) curation team. We noticed you shared your first post here on Hive and introduced yourself to the community - congratulations and welcome!
And what an amazing first post this is. I never would've guessed that English isn't your first language, since all your words read like poetry. I totally get what you're saying about having a tough time speaking your truth while wearing your "real" face. I've oftentimes considered starting a new anonymous blog to work through things that I can't talk about without betraying the trust of people close to me. I may follow in your footsteps some day, and I think the Hive community is an awesome place to do it.
Speaking of community, we have many different ones here on the blockchain, devoted to all kinds of interests. Here's a link so you can check them all out - Hive Communities. I see from your other comments that you've already discovered The Inkwell community, and given your love of reading you might like exploring the Hive Book Club Community as well.
As Hive can sometimes be quite confusing, the newly launched Newbies GuideGuía de Recursos Hive: Links & Tips (Actualizado) || Tutorial is a growing repository of useful and easy to understand posts about how the Hive ecosystem works. And since you speak Spanish, I highly recommend you also check out this excellent Hive Guide and Tutorial by amazing Hive community member, @victoriabsb -
Please be aware that Hive is a bit different from other social media platforms since you are monetizing your blog, so it is important not to include content that you don't own without sources (and it shouldn't exceed 50% of the post). For more information, check this post - Why and How People Abuse and Plagiarise by hivewatchers.
In addition, since you're new, you may run into an RC (Resource Credits) error when trying to comment/post because you don't yet have enough Hive in your account yet. For assistance with a temporary delegation to get you started, be sure to check out the Gift Giver site.
If you have questions, feel free to hop into the OCD Discord server and we'll do our best to answer them, and again welcome to Hive!
Hello @traciyork! Thank you very much for such a thoughtful comment. I'm glad you enjoyed my first post as Eliza, and it's a compliment that you read my words as poetry. I appreciate the work that the OCD community has been doing for the past years and it seems to have only gotten better. Aging like fine wine, as they say!
Your recommendation of the Hive Book Club community is amazing, yet another thing to keep me hooked to the beautiful space that HIVE is. Thank you! And of course, if you're ever to follow the steps of wearing a virtual mask to discover more about yourself, I'd love to read some of the results! It has been truly liberating for me so far.
Thanks again for the heartwarming welcome, and see you soon!
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Welcome Eliza that you are not Eliza! It is a nice name though :)
It looks like you have a lot to say and plenty to share. I hope that you'll find in our microcosm what you are looking for!
Hi!! Thank you for your words and the warm welcome; I've been enjoying very much my time here, the connections made and the lovely energy of most creatives I've come across with, like you.
Be well and see you around!