Young children become frightened and anxious when they see a quarrel between parents. When this thing happens in front of them regularly (constant anxiety) then that fear and panic lasts and brings some permanent changes in their brain. It has a negative effect on their emotions and thinking, leading to various behavioral and physical problems. When this child reaches adolescence and youth (it is very likely that) these problems take a terrible form inside him.
In order to understand the negative effects of marital discord on the child's brain, we first need to know something about brain science.
There are basically three main parts of our brain -
Brain stem: This part is located at the bottom of the brain and is called "survival brain" or self-defense brain.
Limbic system: This part is also called ‘emotional brain’
Frontal lobe: This is the front or upper part of our brain. It is also called ‘thinking brain’ or ‘smart brain’.
Survival Brain Vs. Learning Brain:
The lower part of our brain i.e. the brain stem and the limbic system do the work of giving us security. This means that when we are in danger, this part of our brain becomes active and takes control of the whole brain. Because self-defense then became paramount.
The frontal lobe at the top of our brain helps us think, find solutions to problems, and learn new things. But when we face a danger, our lower self-defense brain takes control. The brain of the above thought and learning then shuts down its work.
For example, if we touch something hot, we do not remove our hand immediately before we understand something. This is because then our self-defense brain is activated and the thinking and learning brain is then closed.
When the danger is over, the self-defense brain wraps up its work. And only then can our thinking and learning brain start its activities.
God has made this rule of our brain to strengthen our security. The most important thing is to save our lives when we fall in front of a wild animal. This is not the time for us to think, do research to find the right solution, or learn something new. So at that moment the brain of our learned thoughts is closed by itself and the brain of self-defense is started.
Marital discord and child panic
Parents' loud voices in marital quarrels, angry looks (sometimes vandalism in the house, throwing things) cause deep anxiety and panic in these children. As a result, their self-defense brain is activated and control over the whole brain is established. As a result, the child cries out in fear, hides in a room or becomes silent in panic (fight-flight-freeze).
When this happens often, the child's defensive brain becomes more and more active due to the repeated activation of the brain, so that most of the time he has control over the child's brain.
On the other hand, the child's thinking and learning brain is not very active, so that part gradually becomes weak. That is, the child's brain does not have the opportunity to learn and think and does not acquire the skills to think and teach.
The normal rule is that the thinking and learning part of our brain will be active for a long time and the self-defense part will be active for a short period of time when needed. But the opposite is true of children who grow up in marital strife. As a result, these children are usually unable to concentrate on their studies and are not keen on learning new things. Moreover, it becomes difficult for them to acquire human qualities such as compassion, love, and kindness. They lose confidence in their qualifications.
Where it was the parents' responsibility to assist in the development of the child's brain and thinking, he killed his own child's brain by marital strife.
A child's brain develops through learning and thinking only when he or she gets a safe, secure and supportive environment. Remember that good parental relationships contribute to the development of the child's brain by creating that environment in the family.
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