Have you been asking yourself these topic questions? Well, I have. For the most part, it is because we have a lot of damaged adults around us, and it is telling on how we are raised. I certainly want to better and if you know you can, join me on this journey!
As a child, I really wasn’t in support of been beaten. I hated it. I did everything possible to avoid it. I was obedient, intelligent and subservient. But it didn’t stop it. I remember the day I was flogged because my mum saw me playing with my classmates outside after school. Her reason for flogging me was because a child of a teacher shouldn’t be seen playing outside. It showed how irresponsible she was as a mother and how much I lacked discipline. Did I chop the cane? Yes. Did I think the flogging was unnecessary? Yes. But what? I moved. That was when I knew that no matter how much right I did, she would never stop looking for a way to discipline me with flogging. Maybe because this was her reason, I will never know. But it was what it was. Understanding this was my beginning of rebellion and stubbornness. I stopped being obedient all the time. I then gave her reasons to discipline me. Though I could not stop being intelligent. I never tried to be intelligent though, i just was. The last time i was beaten was when she felt i didn't tell him what my brother did wrong. That was my offence. I didn't do anything else. I just didn't tell her early. She flogged me in my sleep, woke me with strokes and flogged me out of the house to the compound. We even did a merry go round about the compound. We eventually begged to be allowed into the house. The reason i apologised was because my sister said i should, not because i was wrong. But so there would be peace in the house. Really funny story.
Today i opened my bible and searched. Yes, it is scriptural to beat a child Proverbs 23:13-14. But the rod of correction used here should not be hurriedly interpreted to beating. It simply means correction backed with lots of patience and understanding.
But even if you want to take the literal meaning to be actual beating, please note that it was also made clear that it should be out of discipline, not because of the anger that has been constituted by the deed. And to save the child from hell.
It shouldn't be because you want to, or because you like to, or because that is the language the child understands, or because you are angry, or because the child annoyed you.
It should be because you have seen the need for correction. It should be well thought through. It is a last resort when all trainings are futile. There should be some proof that you have taught before you can resort to physical beating. It is done with understanding. The child must know what he did, the consequences of what he did and the reason for being flogged with the understanding that it is supposed to yield a positive behavioural change. Kids should not be a medium to pass out our frustration.
Instead of just beating a child at the slightest provocation, we can do one or all of the
following:
- Instructing and rebuking
- Reiteration of said instructions
- Positive reinforcement
- Ultimatums
- Trainings that engender longer attention span and meditation
- Withdrawal of gifts and privileges for a period of time
It is important that adults understand discipline and instil it the right way. The child should know his offence and its consequences while being flogged with the desired outcome being a positive behavioural change. Children are humans too, we should not be quick to inflict physical pains and lifelong scars.
Thank you.
Both my parents are Christian, and I believe they raised me extremely well. They occasionally gave my siblings and I 'spankings' as a last resort (usually with a wooden spoon, and just on the palm of our hands). They only ever did it when they were calm, and out of discipline and love, never in anger.
That said, was it the right thing to do? Who knows. I turned out great, in my opinion, but it's possible there was a better way.
I guess my point is, I do my best to avoid judging others, and to make the best choices I'm able, moment to moment.
These:
Are all preferable to any kind of physicality, I'd imagine, but does that mean my parents occasional wooden-spoon tactic was 'wrong'? I'm not sure anyone can say.
Anyway, great post, lots of food for thought, thank you. 🙏
I personally think that spanking is a lazy way to bring up a child. It's easier to do that than teaching and instructing which requires extra effort, commitment and understanding. Spanking just makes the child relate pain to that particular act. They end up avoiding that situation not because they understand why but because they don't want to be beaten.
That could be a helpful way to look at it, I'm sure. Thanks for sharing! 🙏