If there was a school where people are taught on how to say No, I would enroll no matter how much it cost. I was raised to be too compassionate that saying "No" feels like a sin. I would have assumed it's my personality until I realized the same from my elder brother, I just knew it's a childhood programming thing, we both grew up with my grandma. I do rant when I'm alone ,but that ends when I come in contact with the person I was hoping to execute all the ranting and denial on . Like a sheep taking to the slaughter place, I find my lips opening to give a yes, even when saying "NO" should be the response.
I have learned on several occasions to say "NO" and it seems some things are difficult to learn, especially when one has a certain mentality when it comes to helping people. My grandma would always say, "you might be their last hope" and that seems to stick. I can hardly undo it even when I know some people take it for granted. Kindness is good, but people have only abused the act and it makes the helper look stupid at the end of the day.
I am still working on myself because one thing I have not been able to learn is the act of saying no. I have gone into horrible debts just because I can't say no. I have taken the crosses of other people because saying NO feels like a crime. I feel like I'm losing my breath and can't take in oxygen if I say No. I am working on it, I have improved over time, at least I have said a NO once in every ten requests and that's an improvement, it'll keep growing over time and I need to celebrate these few wins.
I realized over time that saying "No" is one very important skill that a man needs. Not only because sometimes one is taken for granted or doesn't appreciate the sacrifices, but because others need to know that you don't have everything, and at some point need help too. I know pain and anger will help me learn this skill someday , one always learns one way or another, just before people develop the impression that I can be cheated.
Someone once called me "Mr nice guy" and she added by saying "You never say no". And was proudly saying she can ask me anything and I wouldn't decline, that people have known me with such character. I smiled but it was a lesson for me to pick from and I resolved to learn this act even if I'll need oxygen after that. Hahaha. I do buy one if need be, but it's something I need to know.
We are on the same boat here. People call me someone who have pity easily and do not say No. I don't know how to because I used to think saying that would make them feel sad and bad, which I don't want to even when it's inconveniencing me. But later, I started learning how to consider myself too and let people know it is not every time I will be there for them. People easily take you for granted once they find your weakness in such habit.
That's true, people sometimes doesn't understand that the one giving also has need and do so our of sacrifice.
I'm glad you're able to pull out
In most cases people who don't know how to say no get used by many and are taken advantage of, maybe you should try saying no sometimes..
I'm already in the training. It's a skill one needs to learn
I use to be like this but I learn the hard way, people you are trying to help sometimes will just take you for a fool. I still show kindness and helping hands to people a lot of time but not at the detriment of myself anymore.
Don't be too hard on yourself just take it slow, you will get there.
Yeah, it's good to understand when to and when not to. People sometimes believe we have and that's why we give and not like it's a sacrifice
Alright Mr Nice guy😂😂
Honestly, It’s not so hard for me to say no because I learned the hard way how people just take advantage of you and misuse your soft spot.
Don’t worry you’ll get a hang of it soon and your eye will clear😂
Smile
That clear eyes seems to not work for long. However, I'm practicing the No and I think there's an improvement
Eyyy then the eye doesn’t clear well o
Hahahaha, I wouldn't need to wait until it clears well.
Haha
My husband is atypical example of your personality and many people already know him for that. Sometimes, I will wake up to see different account numbers of people soliciting for help and he doesn't know how to say know. It's so bad to the point that he wanted to get a loan one time from the bank when he didn't have much on him and people kept seeking help. Oh boy..I had to step in and talk sense into him
There are times we should say no please, otherwise people will take our kindness for granted or as an advantage and even begin to feel entitled
Glad you are learning to break through
Please say no when you should
Don't please anyone to displease yourself
#dreemerforlife
This is true and this is why the people say two are better than one. You coming in saved him from a lot of trouble he would have brought unto himself.
I'm learning, soon, my No may even overshadow the yes
We are many on this.
For me, saying no, especially to an elderly person was seen as insult and insulting someone was something my dad don't that take likely.
We were cultured that way but not now anymore. Things have changed 😏
!BBH
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Indeed things has changed. The world is no longer like the olden days
I guess you are not a fan of confrontation.
My ability to say No always depends on the situation, the moment I noticed it might cause me harm I create a boundary. Sometimes we need to understand the fact that it is okay to love ourself more.
Sometimes we feel it's safe to give our all, until it starts to backfire . I'm already learning the NO art
Learning to say NO during critical decision making is very important o, especially as an adult, though grandma's intention are pure, you guys need to learn and deviate from that perception.
#dreemport
I'm already learning how to, it's difficult but I know it's possible