One day I sat down to ask myself, “Why do men cheat” I asked a lot of people, and everyone had different answers including men who were cheating on their wives. Some blame the women, some say it's in a man's nature, while some have religious answers for it. However, one thing I was able to deduce from it all is the action of choice. Whatever the reasons may be, choice has an imminent role to play when it comes to being faithful to a partner, moreso, it has an imminent role to play in the aspect of marriage and divorce (So I think). You look at a couple and wonder what went wrong and how they went from together forever, to Never ever after.
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I do not blame all of them, but something I see common among them is the choice to divorce (not looking at the reason for divorce). A lot of things can lead to divorce, you look at a person and forget why you loved them in the first place, from wanting to spend the rest of your life with them, to never wanting to have anything to do with them. I heard a lot of divorcees regret why they divorced in the first place and wished they stayed more to make their relationship work. They regretted their choice to divorce because truth be told a lot of people don't dream of getting married, rather they dream of having a wedding and I think that's where the problem originates from. A lot of people, especially ladies, would be like; I want to have this kind of wedding, I want to do this and that in my relationship, but when you ask them what they want from their marriage, they have no idea.
A lot of others get married for the wrong reasons, especially African guys who feel they are old enough to take care of a woman and thus the responsibility of marriage is what makes them men. These people don't know marriage is mostly about companionship which a lot of them can't offer because they weren't brought up like that. I personally have had to learn a lot of things about companionship and still learning, a lot of people are doing so well on their own and might not require companions, so why have one. You don't know how to show care to one person continually and if you want to go into marriage, how would you expect such marriage to work. You will just have a marriage full of emotionally independent people who after some time will say the marriage isn't working…
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But in all this, I think another serious issue is the issue of two becoming one. You do a wedding hoping to leave with your soulmate, but you discover that even a stranger is more familiar to you than such a person. At this point, you're already broken wondering where you got it wrong, or what you did to such a person that made them change towards you. At this point, people divorce knowing they deserve better than what they get from their partners and it's better to work out of that marriage with your life than work out in death. When you said till death do us part, I'm sure you weren't expecting the death to come from the person saying it to you hehe… so there you have it, lots of reasons to end it, but for this generation, I think there are alot of kids getting into marriage without an idea what they are getting into.
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE GHANA PROMPT FOR THE WEEK.
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When you get married for the reason of achievement it becomes very bad.
Yeah right
I agree! There are so many kids getting into marriage without having any idea what it is. I’m not saying age defines maturity but 18 years getting married with no experience of the real world or knowledge, she just wants to stay with her boyfriend…that’s all she knows…she doesn’t know it’s not all rosy
And then when they have finished having a feel of each other, problems start raising
Right
I see marriage as a course that is very difficult to study and that needs attention and great level of dedication, however, our people rush into it without any knowledge and of course the consequences are always there.
I love the pints you highlited here, jt needs great level of understanding which is built up over time and i suggest most times for a good time of courtship before marriage proper.
Oh yes it's very important
All good perspectives, but let me offer two others. The first is the misconception that humans must have one partner for life. This has evolved from plough culture societies, where distribution of responsibilities usually meant men focused on hunting and gathering while women stayed centralized in homes, doing the multitasking duties of cultivating crops, raising children, defending the area, etc. These are the cultures where patriarchies and Christian religions formed.
Prior to that, and for other cultures, the responsibilities taken on by committed pairs were not assumed to be lifelong, and if one was not maintaining their agreed-upon responsibilities, the other could dissolve the union.
Which leads to another recognition. A two person relationship is always a three-legged stool. comprised of the two individuals and the union. All three beings must be maintained for the stool to remain strong. My partner and I almost separated twice when they were giving up on themselves in order to, in their eyes, support the union. The effect was opposite. They stopped being and growing as a person, which put incredible strains on our stool.
A recent article addressed the number of marriages that fail due to lack of meaningful conversation. It's not that the people didn't realize how important it was, but they didn't have the skills to communicate when the topics were difficult, and would rather divorce than risk the vulnerable pain of growth as evolving humans.
Ummm... Interesting... Thanks for stopping by
A lot of people mostly men are so moved by what they see at first forgetting that the marriage journey can never be calculated before beginning the journey, it's not all about reproduction and providing the spouse's need.
#dreemerforlife
Oh yes, it's something a lot of people don't understand
Marriage is a great mystery, it's not something anyone should jump into for the benefits attached alone, it will crash. The rate of divorce in our day is so alarming, I just wish we would stop all the rush and take our time before getting married.
I came across this post on Dreemport
Before getting married, the two parties should come together and talk about their future. Marriage isn't a walk in the park!
This would save the stress of heartbreaks and divorce.
#dreemerforlife
You're very correct, there is no perfect marriage, and it will always take two to tangle