People are needed in our lives, however independent as we may be. Friends will brighten our good days and make our difficult days light. The selection of friends is a silent process that determines our life.
There are occasions when I allow fate to bring people in my life and other occasions when I seek specific qualities. I have over the years learnt to strike a balance on the two. In this essay I explain my standards of judgment, how I test a friendship, and how I know that I have made the right choice.
First, I value honesty. A real friend is capable of speaking the truth in a nice manner. Whenever one conceals his emotions or feigns that everything is fine when it is not, I begin to question him. Loyalty matters too.
I desire friends who will be with me in tough times, not just when things are going well in my life. There is respect; friends are to respect my time, my decisions and my boundaries. When an individual takes a step over the line or disrespects a simple request I become uncomfortable and move aside.
I also seek support and efforts. An authentic friend is an active listener who finds time. Small things, added up over time are effort, a text message asking how my day was, my appearance at little events, or my assistance when I require it. I like friends that promote development.
People who applaud my achievements and challenge me to become better are hard to find. Shared values are helpful. It is not necessary to find an agreement on all things, yet the friendship could be longer in case the fundamental principles of honesty, kindness, and responsibility coincide.
Meanwhile, I allowed fate to intervene. The best friends I have managed to make by chance when I met them, either at school or at the market or as a result of having been referred by someone. Serendipitous occurrences are little gifts.
I do not ignore them. When destiny unites people with each other, I offer the relationship a second chance. I observe their conduct and am hearing what they say. Actions are the best test. Individuals can talk in a sweet manner but a consistency with time would be the one that would show their true colors.
Why do I know I have done the right thing? There are signs. I feel safe being myself. I am able to express a concern and not worry about being judged. I would observe that the friend does not talk ill about me and fulfills promises. They attempt to assist or at least to listen when trouble arises.
There is a good flow of communication; misconception is not pushed under the carpet. Time tests the bond. When a friendship becomes stronger than before following a disagreement, it indicates that it is resilient.
One of the friends I met was in a local event. Initially we used to laugh together due to common jokes. I was to find later on in small consistent moves: they came to me when I was ill, they wrote little messages when I was on my hectic Saturdays, and they spoke up in my defense when rumors were being told about me. Actions were more important than words. Months went and I realized that I was not wrong. I have that friend to this day.
It is not always that easy to select your friends. I was sometimes mistaken and allowed someone in who turned out to be a disappointment to me. Out of those lessons I have learned to follow my instincts and draw the line. I do not jump to intimate friendship. I also allow myself to check whether the words are reflected in the actions. I also make an effort of being the friend I want to be since friendship is a process to both individuals.
Finally, friendships are a combination of choice and chance. Hold to basic principles: honesty, loyalty, respect and hard work. Fate match people, but observe them as the time goes by. By being patient, having clear standards and keeping with open hearts we can have friends who will endure. I have put many hours of contemplation on these lessons, and I am hoping that my experience will serve others to make better choices of friends.
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This left me with the question of should I choose friends or just let them.
It is very important for us to look out people we call our friend because our friends can build and destroy us
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