I hate how people assume your life is easy just because you dont burden others with your problems or talk about the challenges.
It is frustrating that the more mastery you have over your own emotions, the less empathy you tend to receive from everyone else. If you aren't visible in your distress, if you aren't venting on social media or letting your responsibilities crumble you visibly and loud enough for the public, society or should I say people assume that the path you are walking must be paved and all smooth. People see the duck swimming or walking across the water but never the frantic work beneath the surface. Because you have chosen not to burden others, they assume there is no burden at all, and they feel like its okay to put their own problems on you, since its not like you have much going on, like what!!! When you seem like the only person who always has it together, you become a forced pillar that everyone else leans on, while you yourself are left without a support structure.
Consider the example of professionals who consistently meets every deadline, leads every meeting with a smile, and remains the "rock" of their department. See to their colleagues, this person is a machine, a person who dies every task with ease. In reality, that same professional might be navigating a complex crisis or fighting a silent battle with burnout. Because they value professionalism and don't want to "complain," they keep their head down and do the work. The "reward" for this discipline is usually always more work.
Another typical example can be found in the "strong friend" within a circle. This is the person who listens to everyone’s problems, offers advice, and shows up to every day with a positive attitude. Because they are the problem-solvers, their friends assume their own lives are problem-free. The quiet, friend sits there, absorbing the stress of the room, then when they eventually hit a breaking point, the people around them often react with confusion rather than support, saying things like, "But you always seemed so happy," which only serves to highlight how little their inner world was actually seen. The danger of this is that it creates a feedback where you feel you cannot express your challenges because you feel you have a reputation to uphold. To be "unseen" in your struggle is a heavy price to pay for being a person of good character.
It is important to remind yourself that your challenges are real, your fatigue is valid and it is okay to be little selfish every now and then. Don’t kill yourself. Sometimes when people commit suicide they always give almost no sign at all, you talk to their friends and family and they all say that he/she seemed happy and didn’t show any signs of depression or struggles. Its things like what ive talked about in this write up that causes it, overburdening yourself, sometimes you should just let go, be selfish, prioritise yourself, and yes people might call you names and say that “you changed” but the peace youll feel is unquantifiable.
I read your post with interest it's true sine people just assume that if you don't show the battles you are fighting you don't have one, I live it on my skin with depression no one ever think I'm depressed because I always smile, cheerful and social media seems nice, but I was fighting with depression, lost my job and my father.
Damn!
Sorry to hear about your loss, hope you are doing much better?
I feel you, totally. I am lucky to have a couple of friends which I can open up with, regarding my emotions and my struggles. Maybe in my everyday life I'm a bit depressed and feel lonely and abandoned. But if I really want some support, I know I can ask and I'll be listened. That is a true relief, every time.