The first few months of many relationships are usually honey, sugar and sweet perfumes. During these times is when love lead, and other negative attitude of ones partner is overlooked probably due to both parties involved are highly in love. I think this is the reason why after a break up, people tend to call themselves "fools" or "stupid" for doing things that they will never do on a normal day.
I actually don't see it as stupidity, foolishness or whatnot, but I try to enjoy every single moment with my partner and give the relationship my best shot.
Love is a beautiful thing. Its even better when both parties understand the negative aspect of each other and still choose to stay with each other irrespective of how bad things get.
This post is not a prompt entry, but a reflection of my love life. lol. In this post, i will share a little about my past relationship and why i don't want to be in a relationship unless i accomplish something.
I've been in a few relationships. Worthy of note is one which i gave my all. My time, resources, energy, literally everything. I was not deeply in love, but i was madly in love. lol.. Honestly, love is a beautiful thing. During those times, we were the talk of the day. People thought she used voodoo to make me fall madly in love with her, but in reality, i decided to.
I have never felt this amount of love for anyone before. She was a 20 out of 10. Everything was too good to be true. I thought i was in a genjutsu but no, it was reality. The best thing was that she reciprocated every bit of love I showed.
Time flew, and it we were already 1 year in the relationship. Even at this, our feelings for each other was still as solid as it can be. It was as if it became stronger with time. We passed through many challenges, and drew closer with each challenge.
One day, I was using her phone for something when a whatsapp message popped up. I thought it was a regular message and i continued what i was doing. Another whatsapp message from the same person came in again, and i decided to check it out. By the way, we don't hide anything from each other. She has access to everything that concerns me, including my finances and vice versa. We didn't do anything in private.
When i opened the messages, i started seeing some things that made me curious, so, I delve deeper. What i saw made my heart shatter into a million pieces. I trusted her, so, i don't really pay much attention to her socials. With that message, i decided to check all other social media handle she owns. My eyes almost popped out of my eye socket. I can't explain what i saw, but the summary is that she was having an affair with two other guys.
I confronted her in disgust and with fury in my eyes. My heart rate spiked, and all I was thinking of was that, I gave you my all, but you are messing around. I could not control my self. I felt different emotions at once - love, hate, disappointment, care, compassion, and revenge. I don't know what words are best to describe how i felt but maybe someone that has gone through such things can relate. With every question i ask came tears accompanying it.
I did the unthinkable, I hit her. Immediately I hit her, i regain my senses and began to apologize profusely. Seeing her cry because of the physical pain i inflicted on her felt like my world shattered. I forgot about the fact that she cheated. I could never imagine my self hitting a woman, not to talk more of the woman i loved soo much.
Long story short, she forgave me for hitting her, and I reluctantly forgave her for cheating after she also apologized. The guilt of hitting a woman was so strong that i had to seek counsel. I told my senior brother about it. He was annoyed at my actions, but then, encouraged me to forgive myself.
Forgiving myself was the hardest part. I drowned my self in alcohol (i rarely take alcohol), but it didn't do anything to cure the disappointment i felt. I tried many different things to feel okay, but nothing worked. At this juncture, i didn't know if I was sad because I hit a woman or because I was cheated on.
We continue the relationship but i was never the same. She tried everything possible to make me come back to normal, but then, the guilt was too much. It took a while, but I healed. However, the relationship ended after a few months (5 to 9 months), because i saw her cheating again. Before I caught her cheating, my friends were telling me about her movements. They told me how she followed other guys and stuffs, but i thought it was another grapevine information. Welp, when i saw her in the act, i had to let go. Other things happened, but then, the cheating aspect was the major reason i let her go.
It was actually a beautiful time. The truth is, i don't regret being in that relationship. The only thing i regret is hitting her. I'm a guy of many principles, and one of my principle is never to be in a fight or hit a woman. I value women to the greatest height possible.
Thank you for reading.
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It's good that you are now in your healing stage!Just give some time to your self to reflect on the situation.Have a nice day ahead!
Actually, this happened a while ago and i'm long over it. lol.
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