As per the prompt, what should be the state of things in a relationship; should privacy or transparency be the way? I must say this is a valid conversation. If you look closely you will see that some of the issues that arise within relationships and possibly lead to breakups could be as a result of this situation.
The conversation is an intriguing one. While you may want to argue directly and vehemently from a perspective or point of view, you might want to try and see the other point of view as well. For me, it was kind of all about transparency. Yes, being transparent with things was my total point and it remains the most valid one for me. Why? This is because a relationship needs something to build on, which trust is a great foundation and trust is not shy of transparency.
Transparency helps in building trust. When you know what there was a need to know concerning the other person from them, even when it comes around later, say from outside sources, you are not moved by it. However, when it becomes the other way round, then issues could arise. They mostly do and tend to lead to breakups in relationships.
Also, transparency fuels better, open and honest communication. It is no news that one of the building blocks for a good relationship is communication. Not just communication, but open and honest communication. Transparency shows one's readiness to move with life with the other person. A lack of it speaks otherwise and a betrayal even, in a sense.
Nevertheless, here is the point on the other side. Some choose privacy over transparency not because they don't want to be transparent but because it was betrayed in the past. Things they had shared and made open were used against them by the other person. Possibly more than once, and so they value privacy over transparency. Not for everything at least.
For such people, it could be hard for them to really be transparent even when they want to. The fear of their trust being betrayed puts them in a place where they prefer things to be kept private. By this, you will see that there is value and desire for transparency, for everyone who is really affectionately involved in a relationship. So I consider. However, the fear of betrayal or whatever keeps them locked in.
What if both parties have differing views; one desires privacy while the other desires transparency? I think both will have to come to a consensus. Two cannot walk together unless they agree. Transparency should be the consensus to land on. Keeping things private in a relationship takes it nowhere or only somewhere for the meantime. However, such transparency should never be abused or betrayed.
I don't support keeping things private in a relationship
Yes, it's not okay. It ruins the relationship. Glad you see it that way too.
I understand too. I feel like transparency is needed more in a relationship
Yes, it is what is needed in a relationship. Keeping things private can ruin the relationship.