I don’t know how I got on the list, but I suddenly started getting calls from my college executives that I was on the list of the people to be tested for the competition. Sadly, a lot of people believed in me but I didn't believe in myself.
Truly, I used to be a very good debater back in high school, but this is a bigger ground, and if I flopped, the news would spread fast like wildfire, and with my reserved personality, it wasn’t looking good for me.
I knew there were better people who could do it, and I didn’t see myself as one of those, so, I tried to escape, however, on the day the representatives would be selected, my name made it to the list.
According to the judge of the mini event, he said, “Monsuroh, you have the talent, but you lack the confidence because you do not believe in your talent”. I mean, I wouldn’t even have seen it because mhennnn, people are too good, and I felt far below their level.
I was given the task, and after a rigorous preparation, I came second, but it felt like “I was lucky, not because I was talented or was as good as the other debaters who didn’t make it to the top”.
That’s exactly what low self-esteem does to you. If you are battling low self-esteem, you see yourself as lucky instead of gifted. You see other people’s sunshine while you hide in their shadows for the fear of being discovered insufficient even when you have all it takes to shine.
After the intercollegiate debate, I was nominated to represent my school in an inter-university competition where I had to debate against law students and badass public speakers, but I developed a cold foot. I felt so insufficient because how could I, an animal science student competes with law students and public speakers?
My coach said, “Monsuroh, if only you can see the gift of you and explore it rather than let the insufficient part of you take over, you will deliver very well, and you’ll realize that your talent is huge than you ever imagined, only if you will look deep within and not feel inferior”.
Those words are heavy, but the effect it was supposed to have was far from being achieved, because I largely still felt like “I didn’t fit into their category”.
At the end of the competition, I was so ashamed of myself because it was a woeful failure. That’s the result of an uncontrolled low self-esteem.
After that loss, when we returned to school, I was ready to beat myself up because the failure didn’t just affect me, it disqualified my school from the next round.
I started with trying to explore the different sides that’s there to me and then building myself up gradually. I was so hard on myself that I scolded myself anytime I cower in a space where I should be vocal. According to my coach, he said, “the stage is mine, and I should take charge”, and those words have kept me going since then.
I realized that the competition isn’t about getting better than others but being a better person today than I was yesterday, and I worked on that. The next competition, which was a year later, I was ready to bring back the lost glory, but for some reason, my school decided that we wouldn’t attend the competition. Though, I later attended another one where I came third with my partner.
When you let low self-esteem take away the opportunity to share your gift with the world, you may not have the chance to tell the world again that you got better. So, why not get better, look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself, that’s the best of you, and you are going to do the very best irrespective of the type of people that are there? Because that’s one thing I do, when the bad feeling of low self-esteem tries to creep on me again.
Right now, I have overcome that inferior feeling, and I speak at anywhere irrespective of the calibre of the people present.
This is my entry to InLeo prompt for the month of February. You can find the details here
Images are mine.
Posted Using INLEO
I think this quote and your story sums it all for me. It's good to see that you overcame.
Thank you very much. I'm glad this resonates with you greatly.