Today's Inleo daily prompt says; Cultural norms, Collective behaviour.
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Firstly we all know that cultural norms have to do with shared beliefs, or values and the human behaviors that support these values within a given society. It deals with values and society's expectations that are reflected in the attitudes and behaviors of a group of people. It is the manner, custom, usage, or habit that is widely observed within a particular society or culture and every cultural norm consists of laws
folkways, mores, and taboos.
Every culture in the continent has its specific norm that must be carried out which is seen as LAW and if not carried out is called a TABOO same way they have their specific forbidden norms, folkways, and mores.
Many times, when we think we've seen or heard it all in our own cultural norms, we are all always left in a gasp and awe at other people's cultural norms. Some may be forbidden in another person's culture or not regarded but it is pertinent we know that every culture in the world has its awful and beautiful cultural norms there is one cultural norm that I feel is accepted and regarded in almost all the African continent, even though at a time, I didn't believe it existed until it happened to my mom.
After my father's demise, my father's older brother, and the eldest in the family started visiting my mom's family where my mom and my younger brothers lived since my both parent's villages were closer, it was just a neighbouring village. We all thought that he was visiting, just to see his younger brother's mourning wife and children.
Not until one day, he came for his normal visit after months of being away, and my maternal father asked that my mom and my siblings be called, to greet him. When my siblings left, my father's elder brother said that he came to discuss the cultural aspect of him taking over his late younger brother's wife.
My mom, her mother, her father, and her step-mother who were present at the scene were all shocked that such an educated elderly man who has a wife, and children who are all married and doing well for themselves would even think about such a thing after just one year of burying their younger brother who was my father.
My grandfather was annoyed, my mom was perplexed and angry and her mother's were all flared up and we were beginning to speak out their detest at such a thing for their daughter.
Well, according to the man who is my father's elder brother and the eldest in the family, it has been a cultural norm right from ages and has always been observed and since he is the eldest, it is right that he takes my mother has his wife as her husband who happens to be his younger brother is no longer alive and has been buried.
My grandfather calmed the situation, first asking his wives to leave the room for him and the man, and then turning to the man and told him that he was never going to take his daughter as his wife and that he was disappointed in him to even have such absurd thought as my father's eldest brother was same age gap with my mother's father.
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My maternal grandfather showed his displeasure reminding the man that his younger brother had very young children who needed their uncles at this moment in their lives, especially financial help. Unfortunately, my uncle had never asked how we were faring or asked about our school or even given any money for our upkeep ever since the death of his brother but had the mind to come to ask that it was high time my mother be given to him as wife like it has custom demands.
He was asked out of the house and asked never to return to that compound as he didn't care about the little children his brother left behind. Well, the thing is the other part of the norm covered my mom, according to what I heard, they had the upper hand because my mom gave birth to a male child as such, she is expected to marry her sons, and the sons inherit their mother as their wife.
In the case where the woman couldn't conceive any male child for her deceased husband, her husband's brother inherits her, and she is asked to marry her late husband's brother just to give birth to a male child so that the deceased blood lineage does not die.
The truth is, this particular phase for widows is not an easy phase especially if such culture is still practiced in the village where her husband comes from because our culture has made it look like whatever happens in a marriage is the woman's fault worst of all, if she doesn't have understanding parents and mother-in-law.
Well, thank God for my maternal grandparents, who never supported such cultural norms and stood by their daughter my mom because it wouldn't have been an easy fight for my mom if she had not had the support of her family.
These particular cultural norms and many more devastating and heart-wrenching norms are still governing the lives of many people who adhere to traditions or culture.
This article is inspired by the May daily prompt initiative. Read the announcement post to join the May initiative
Thank you for reading!!!
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I have heard of this custom earlier but I am shocked to know that you have faced all these things in your own household.
Yeah, different households, different customs.
Wow! this really shocked me. Thanks for sharing more about your culture with us, Eliany.
I am from Latin America and we as women also face to a certain "fault" about anything that happens in the family. I think in general, family support is the most valuable thing women can have to face every day inequality.