You know you are getting old when 7pm is late... but I concur, (mostly). haha!
Sorry to hear everything you have been through, I can relate acutely to how draining it is. My mom went from hospital to hospital... and we also eventually got her into a hospice which thankfully allowed us to see her daily. It was only for 10 minutes a day.... but at least we DID get to see her for the last two weeks of her life.
We, (my brothers and I) considered doing the same thing for my mom (re. private apartment).... but the problem in this country is there is so much "hatred" among races, that we decided against it because we were scared about how she would be treated "outside of camera view". It happens even in the FINEST of establishments here.... and it is shocking!!!!! We experienced that with my gran...
The acceptance that there is no "way back" is a big pill to swallow... your situation sounds EERILY close to what we all just went through. She went from completely capable, cooking ,gardening etc... and within days... she was in unable to speak, was incontinent and in nappies, and then began literally starving herself to death because of the kidney failure.
There is NOTHING that could prepare a person for that. Take your time - STOP!!! just STOP! Take a moment to absorb and appreciate the time for closure. Many people do not get that opportunity... so as hard as it is to see her in that state, remember what a blessing it is! Focus on the good and honour her in whichever and whatever ways you can!
I am a month and a half into losing my best EVER friend... it is not easy, so just remember to go easy on yourself. It comes in WAVES... I am one to focus on the positives and there are many moments where I can hear my mom tell me "to get the bloody hell on with it"... I have no doubt that you are much the same @theycallmedan.... but just remember to "take a moment" to be real with yourself too.
Thoughts are with you, your wife and your family.
In lighter news... CONGRATULATIONS!!!! on your news!!!! No doubt your kiddo will be a force to be reckoned with and you will make amazing parentals!!!!
Much love to you both!