This is my journey and process of Re-Introducing myself to the world ... I'll be working in the creative/healing zone for at least 2 hours everyday from now until the end of the year as I work on creating an Introduction that I'll share as a finished product on January 1st 2024.
Saturday / Day 2
When I create, it’s not a singular process. It’s about Intention, Attention and Awareness. I use all the tools that I have to express myself as authentically as possible. I travel into the healing work I’ve been embodying, I dissect my thoughts and reflections, I converse with my art, I move, I write, I journey. Sometimes I nap and daydream and laugh. It’s really different everyday. It requires patience with myself and the constant reminder to Just Allow. The constant reminder, No Judgement Here. The constant reminder that it’s my story to tell. The constant remind to Trust.
I realized today that having set my intention to introduce myself on January 1st 2024, I will have worked 28+ hours on it over two and a half weeks. I have time and I am following the flow of what comes together for me each day.
Today I wrote in a stream of consciousness diving deeper into the sparks I found on the page. I practiced restorative yoga focusing on my hips. I doodled. I drove in silence with thoughts ping ponging through my body and I felt them, letting them have their way with my present moment. I came up with an action I need to accomplish by tomorrow.
The only direction right now is my Intention to Introduce myself. So I play and I trust this.
These are the words that rested at my feet when I wrote today:
~It’s a funny thing when you start to do the work, it’s the very same consonants and vowels in my words then as are in my words now. But they taste different.
~I choose to be collectively renewed.
~She was a shell, salt wore her down, recreated her, pulled out the impurities
~Drawing down, dropping down into the vessels we have for one another
~We don’t just jewel ourselves with adornments, We must adore ourselves at every turn
~Sweet circle of six subtle selves. I can run them through the fingers of my tips, they grace me
~I’ve been face down into geometry, Dissecting the design
~I am a daughter who let her parents go, who honored their wishes when others would have held on tighter, not because I didn’t want them with me, but because I hoarded their voices for years and they nagged me with the truth of what they wanted like ghosts of voice boxes haunting me.
~I slapped myself across mystery, an experiment in human skin
~ I have seen my ancestor mamas walk toward me empty bowls weeping, I’m healing it so my daughters don’t hold the absence of themselves with two hands in front of their bellies filling everyone else’s cups.
~ Soaking in oils
~I am more than I could ever label myself.
This is the doodle I did today, When I set an intention for my doodle it was only to explore why I feel so connected to rivers lately.
Sunday Day 3
I’m working today on a line I wrote in my automatic writing:
I wrote myself in the margins of gurus and shamans.
This I about how I have been an eternal student. I love to learn. If anyone knows Human design, my profile is a 4/1 and I’m a Quad Right with the Juxtaposition of Fantasy. Part of my design is to always be investigating and learning, to free fall down the rabbit hole of my intrigue.
I’ve learned from and been in the presence of people I admire and respect immensely, who have literally changed my life through their teachings in no insignificant way. I might even say their work saved me. I’ve worn their teachings like lingerie, close to my skin, holding me up, transparent and graceful, whispering the seduction of healing, allowing me to see the beauty I have within. I’ve mastered their work and I’ve trained in their hallways.
Margins are where I’ve placed myself though, never quite able to be an equal. I’ve been in awe and wonder working closely with them, but I’ve always kept to the outside, filling in noteswitha pen behind my ear and hair in my eyes.
Recently I’ve come to understand that we are all equal, with our own stories unfolding but different inner sanctuaries that rise to meet us, that rise out of us, that require us to rise into the place of being an equal.
This has been profound for me. I’m not sure if it’s been all of the death I’ve made friends with, or the human condition I’ve witnessed, but wow.
It’s time to write myself onto the page in significant ways, taking up space and offering.
I moved today, journeyed and meditated, sketched and collaged with my own lines and wrote. I’ve been paying with words a bit more and I’m beginning to peel off the layers of what I’ve written so far.
Some of the other lines I wrote that caught my attention were:
~ The bowels of what has come before. Chewed and digested.
~the shoulders that slump under the confinement of others and the silver tongue of sincerity, when I say I love you they all say it through me.
~ The tracks that broke free from my feet … guttural utterances of no language yet smeared across my throat hold choked and tight and I tried to keep it together, but I wasn’t ready yet.
~the broken boards of a canoe in the rapids
~I am here in the aftermath of my life up till now rummaging through and pulling out the gems.
~I’ve birthed death into this life and then three more lives that breath along with me.
~I have spun Sufi circles in flowing and tapped swords with my own heartbeat, released chaotic alchemy from my feet shaking out sunsets from my past and I’ve played until I’ve feel asleep. And I’ve done it over and over again.
~I actually allowed pictures to be taken of myself in the most important vulnerable of states
This is a picture of my artwork today. My intention was simple. I want to see my beauty.
You Have a Chance to Be at Peace
Wow, she is so calm and present in this speech, I love the intertwining of consciousness and God and I fully feel everything she's saying. Thank you for sharing <3
We are searching for the beauty every day but so difficult to see ourselves. Glad you can express yourself on art. ❤️
Thank you <3 It really is something you have to search for sometimes, or at least intentionally set your mind to. This is part of a soul art journey that I'm doing and this whole two weeks is a spirit action that arose from that journey ...
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