I started writing a post when my mind went blank. However, I realised that it went blank because I kept looking for the “perfect” words to describe in detail what I was trying to communicate. One of the major flaws I have noticed about myself is how I tend to over complicate things and not by intention.
When I went blank on that post, I remembered how a young lady who read a post of mine expressed her disappointment that I didn’t use more “sophisticated” words. She was used to the likes of Chimamanda and the rest. Hence, she had a certain kind of expectation in regards to the materials she consumed. Maybe everyone in her circle also talked fancy, employing polished Es and Rs.
I had no idea I let what this lady said get to me until now. I started writing the previous post at 00:55am but then at 01:08am my brain froze and the image of her words replayed in my head. Like a very annoying detail in a movie, I had flashbacks of how I would dissect my every post putting more words than necessary to sound “sophisticated”.
Quite alright, the eloquence of words grants us a kind of confidence and make us seem smart. Many times, words are thrown here and there for the purpose of proving something - I am intelligent. Which is not always true. The fact that someone has a good command of the English language doesn’t mean that they understand the importance of good communication or character. Because they can win arguments doesn’t mean they have wisdom. They just know how to use big words.
Now, I got angry in my spirit. Why should I let something that happened over a year ago control me even today? When did I let my thoughts be governed by the desire to be perceived as intelligent? Just when did I become enraptured with the tools forgetting the message? Yeah, I was angry. Sometimes, simplicity in communication is all that needs to be.
I already find it hard putting my feelings to words on a normal day, it’s harder when I have to do it with big grammar just to be validated as a writer. Yeah that sucks. The fact that there are “writers” out there pushing this narrative is more concerning. One minute, we are told to write from the heart and the next we are swamped with suggestions and ideas on how to make our writing better, more polished. That’s bullshit.
I find it easier to communicate my thoughts like this than employing the use of “doctorate” English. Unlike many who have the gift of retention, I find I am not that way. I have tried in every way possible but all it does is get in the way of my writing. I am not the type that remembers fancy words to express what I’m feeling at the moment because like everything I pen here, it comes from within and it is unfiltered.
So, 01:25am and I am still writing. However, I am clearer on what I want to communicate and it is in two words, stay true. Many times we want to wear the shoe of others that we forget there is only one of a kind of our person. The way A does it might be working for them, they have the attention, the validation you are so hungry for and the love of people (who don’t even matter) because they write so well. That doesn’t make you any less significant. Your words may have been simple enough to penetrate the wavering heart of a man or the unsettled mind of a woman. Your words in all its simplicity may have carried answers that the biggest English words failed to communicate.
Sometimes, professionalism kills passion and enthusiasm. It’s not about writing a Pulitzer material. How far can you scratch the surface? I remember reading a post by @hopestylist and I can never forget it. She didn’t use florid language but she was so efficient in communicating a message that I just had to share it with my people. Her words were simple but hard to forget. Why? Such kind of works in their simplest form stay with you for life.
Sometimes, we get so carried away by the means of sending a message we ignore the message. Hence the reason for this post. A reminder to my future self when I forget why I write. I don’t write to be seen as smart, I write because I love to. It is second nature to me to pen down my words as simple as they are.
It looks like I'm becoming a regular reader of your Midnight letters... 😃 They are similar to my late night blogging series, which I could rewamp sometimes... for my own sanity... 😃
Speaking of the quote, I had a similar thought many times, especially when I moved to another country... Not knowing the language (except basics), sometimes can sound like you are dumb(er) or stupid, which is far away the case... I had to remind myself many times that those are word expressions and have nothing to do with intention, knowledge, or intelligence...
And the other thing that goes along with that... Feeling of acceptance, or seeking approval from others, just like you mentioned... That's why you still have those words in your mind after so many years... as you didn't get that checkmark approval from that person...
But, we humans are like that... I always remind myself about the time when I was the shop owner and at the end of the day, I was pissed off as I had one client who ruined my day... Forgetting that the other 99 were satisfied and happy customers...
Thanks for moving my grey cells this morning... 🙏
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First off, I love your comments. They are filled with so much context I always have to take my time so I could render a proper reply. Hehe. That's what the blockchain is supposed to be about anyway. I also find myself coming back to post here because fact is, the night is when the brain gets a dose of good inspiration.
I haven’t had the opportunity to travel out but I have found myself in states that had so many different cultures and languages especially body languages. I remember when I tried to reach for something and I happened to reach over the head of someone (in a different state), I was severely reprimanded because that was a taboo. Hahaha. I was shocked but then that’s their belief for generations. I could only apologize. I just had to move past the embarrassment of it all.
I think I underestimated the desire of approval. I remember my early days on Hive. It was just like that. I think it was only recently I began to move away from the scene and started practicing contentment and acceptance with my words and thoughts. I read many people here and go “wow. I wanna be like that”. Humans are absolutely fickle you know… lol.
And regarding your last paragraph, yes. I agree. Sometimes we let five minutes of displeasure ruin 23hrs 55minutes of beautiful memories. I used to work as a sales rep so I understand you clearly. Takes one very snide or arrogant comment from a client who thinks they have me figured out to ruin my day. lol.
You’re absolutely welcome. I hope your grey cells enjoyed it…
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hiatal
The idea as a writer isn't proving yourself but making your work understood so it can pass a message.
Why would I use big words if only 20% of readers can understand them.
Best I use elementary words that everybody would understand and the story, rant, review, blog can be felt and comprehended by everyone!
Seriously. I had to talk myself out of that loop. Learning to be satisfied is more difficult to practice than we think.
I was thinking that I am the only one caught in the web of professionalism or call it sophistication in the use of English language before a message can be passed. I remember some time ago when I would want to write, but will be discouraged because I was as if choice of words were not good enough. But on a long run, I realized that communication is nothing but passing a message to be understood by another.
That's what it does. It makes you feel discontent with your writing even if it's just what someone needs.