I am a very shy person & also a extreme level introvert. From the childhood I remember I was too shy to ask for a bare minimum help from anybody. If I was in a place where I need any help but I couldn't even ask someone to help me or guide me , nor my family nor any outsider. After passing 24 years of my life I realize I have a audacity to do everything by myself, not because that I am too shy or too introvert but just because I became a practice for me .
As I told that I was an introvert girl that's why I can't even express myself to someone. Whenever I feel something to say I used to write on a dairy. It became a habit for me since my childhood to write instead of saying.
From a very young age, I used to see my grandfather, great uncle, at the end of the day, write all the things of their day in the diary. I also started writing after getting encouragement from there, even if I didn't write every day, I would write every day.
Slowly I started to grow up, I started writing about something in my mind, the quality of writing started to improve, I started to get fame in a small way, the stories I wrote started to be relatable to people's lives. I have become a habit of writing about everything that happens, I noticed that I write by getting inspiration from what happens to me or what happens next to me.
I can't count how many people started to be hostile towards me with my writing, even people who I thought were very close did not stop humiliating me, but I did not think twice about writing the right words. But I realized one thing now I can't write freely anymore, I think a thousand times, the pen stops, the keyboard holds the backspace. I can understand that I have lost my identity.
I used to write about small events a few days ago, but now I don't feel the desire to write about big events. But the only way of my income is my written sentences. I am not a person to lose someone's tweets, but people, it is not unusual to feel bad. I have no regrets, I have seen the reflection of Karma, I have seen people who bullied me for my writing on a small scale being bullied for writing on a larger scale, but I did not enjoy it at all.
Today I do not dare to write, why ? The strength to hold my pen has been slowly eaten away by everyone. I don't want to see myself as a snitch, so I keep my distance and save the energy to write, now I don't have anyone's tears because my cries and screams are nothing but entertainment to others.
I do not write, because you all have broken my pen. I was too introvert to tell that I am loosing myself, feeling alone please let me write what I feel . I was too shy to tell that you all are discouraging me, my honesty, my strength. Look at me , you all are a winner & I am just a looser in my own sense.