I am not fond of hospital visits, I guess no one really is. The campus is beautiful, filled with greenery but the moment you get to the Hospital building the atmosphere changes. Waiting for hours in the lounge isn't very pleasant either. The cold metal chairs, the smell of disinfectants and the robotic humans walking around tell my brain that it's time to run away.
The hospital I go to has TV screens everywhere, but guess what they play on TV? It's usually Animal plant or Discovery channel, the usual program is a beast of prey hunting a beautiful deer or some herbivore. I wonder what the idea is. Do they really believe that these scenes are calming and pleasant to the patient who has come there troubled and needing help?
Imagine a patient who has come with severe pain and is dreading what the diagnosis would be. Would the doctor put him up for surgery or a biopsy or maybe something grave like being admitted as an in patient.
Only the fish tanks seem calming. I love watching the fishes calmly swimming around. Their colors and the display itself makes them perfect for a hospital setting. Nonetheless the children who hang around these fish tanks seem to get excited and run around shrieking making those of us who wait even more anxious than before.
I wonder where their mothers are, perhaps they are the patients come to the hospital in labor pain or some distress and the fathers are busy running around getting the formalities done. The children seem to be left on their own and totally out of control until a hospital assistant decided to threaten them with some dire consequences.
After a long wait the doctor calls out my name, relieved I walk in putting a smile on my face believing that my trial has finally come to an end. Then a new trial begins the doctor begins asking me questions that make me feel so uneasy. I squirm and wonder what's up, why this line of questioning. Then she writes something in the file, it seems like she is writing my biography, but from a very negative angle. Family history of cardiac ailments, mother died of cardiac arrest, three brothers underwent bypass surgery etc.,
etc.
I wondered if she did this to put the fear of God in my heart. All the greenery around, the fish tanks in the lobby were just the calm before a storm. Only the scenes from Animal planet and Discovery channel foretold the truth of what lay ahead. I am the prey and they plan to completely decimate my bank balance in this visit.
Next she writes my list of medicines. The list doesn't seem never ending. She asks if I still feel dizzy during the day and if I've been checking my blood pressure regularly. I show her the readings which she barely peeks into, I wonder if she has a camera for eyes and a computer for a brain. Again she bends down to write something more. I know for sure that whatever is left of my bank balance might disappear once I've filled out my prescription.
Then she writes slip after slip for various investigation to be done. Like a lamb lead to slaughter I walk quietly and let the and the vampire draw out vial after vial of blood. She lets me go only when her hunger is satisfied. Her smile as she looks at the dark liquid filled right up to the brim in three vials makes me shudder, the smile is now directed at me and all I want to do is to run before she changes her mind and ties up my hand to draw more blood.
My next jaunt is to the rest room, I walk with my head hanging down, a plastic box in hand to collect my urine as if it were some precious stuff. It gives me the shivers when I have to collect what I normally flush out. Annoyed that I am being watched by curious eyes as I walk back and place the box on the counter wondering what's next. Those eyes have already made the diagnosis, this woman has the ______ disease.
If there was any form of mental torture that is designed to make a person feel like a worm squirming with anxiety that would be a visit to the hospital. The truth being the worm doesn't feel the anxiety or the level of emotional pain you feel while you are here.
By now the calmness I felt at first looking at the beautiful surroundings and the fishes have now dissipated and I have a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just want to get out of this campus as fast as I can. I know I need a strong cup of coffee to make me feel better, but I don't want to spend another extra moment in that campus. Even the small sum I need to spend in the cafeteria I decide to spend elsewhere. Nothing more for those bloodsuckers and vampires I say in my heart.
Even the beautiful sights as I drive back fails to calm me down. I stop by a restaurant and walk into it like a robot. I order my coffee and drink it without enjoying it, this is weird as i love savoring every drop of my coffee. It is evening and the traffic has picked up, its a bumper to bumper ride. A normal 45 minute ride has now taken me two hours. I reach home still dazed and out of touch with reality I walk around and then the realization strikes me that I don't have to do this for another three months. Happy I smile and notice the bright blue skies and the slightly warmer weather around me and begin to enjoy it.
My back hurts and I just want to lie down, my challenge goes for a toss on the 26th day of the 30 day challenge to write a post everyday in the month of November. I give up. I have no more energy left to sit up and write. I had expected that my trip would take me a couple of hours it turned out to be a 8 hour trip. Defeated I have my dinner and fall asleep.
I hope to write a couple of posts tomorrow and make up for the gap, even then I know that I have lost the challenge. It's okay, nothing in life goes as planned. All that matters is that I tried and came close to winning.
All images used here are mine.