Searching for meaning is unlikely to ever result in much - living with meaning is a different story. It really doesn't matter if there is a general meaning of life, what matters is that since we are aware of our life, we make it mean something to us.
Hope you cheer up soon - feeling tend to come and go - no point getting attached to them :)
Yeah, trying get out of these impulsive feelings.
Hopefully you can break the cycle.