I come from a society where people give more than too much for love. In fact where women are extorted too much in the name of relationship and marriage.
I came from a society where if you walk out of marriage as a woman, even your family might not stand with you. Yes, at some certain point, I feel the importance of marriage is being abused.
I'm even going too far talking about marriage, let's talk about relationships. In this part of the world, many young girls are living in hell in the name of a relationship, you see cases where a girl is forced to change her number by her over-protecting partner simply because he doesn't want other guys to call her. As much as it sounds funny, I know people who go through it.
Some guys even go as far as hitting the girl just because she received a call from another guy. And after hearing all these stories I ask myself. Why stay in the relationship and waste your time, it's obvious he doesn't care about you, he doesn't love and respect you so why remain there? And the most annoying part of all these is that in most cases the guy in question cheats. (Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that guys don't experience bed treatments in relationships, I'm just writing from the part I'm familiar with.)
And when you think of all these things women go through, you find yourself asking. Must one be in a relationship?
Now, here's the answer. The society made it that way. The society made it seem like a woman is never complete without a man. I don't know about your society but I'm writing from mine. Not minding how wealthy you are as a woman as long as you don't have a man in your life, the people around you make it seem that all your achievements are futile. Sadly but yes. That's the treatment you'd receive.
I could remember seeing a very funny post on social media once. I'd quote
As a woman why would you buy a house, a car and plots of land? Don't you know men don't like over-successful women?
My dear, that post almost drove me crazy, I jumped into the comment section just to see a complete war there. And to my greatest surprise, I even saw some women supporting the idea. And it made me understand that some women have been locked up in the shackles of the society. Yes, most women intentionally endure maltreatment from guys, because they believe that a man wants to be in charge. At times, they even go as far as making excuses for them.
I come from a society where if a woman cheats she's cheap, if a man cheats then men are polygamous.
Well, all these things going on sound funny but they are truly happening. I wish all girls would listen to Kaylee Rose's Me before you they'd get to understand that even without these guys they can still achieve anything they want.
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STOPThis post resonates with me on so many levels. That feeling of โis it worth it?โ Comes to my mind whenever I am being treated badly in a relationship.
Thanks for sharing this dearest !Ladyโค๏ธ
Thank you so much for your support โค๏ธ
Really in-depth words and I resonate with it a lot. It's a rigged system against us where we're taught that while men have all the time on their hands, we have a clock that ticks rather quickly and if we fail to to meet the expectation(marriage) before our time stope ticking, we'll be deemed failures as women.
Internalised misogyny is a thing and till women learn to free themselves from the shackles of such silly mentality and learn to stop hating themselves so much, they'll forever be chained.
Very true. Thank you so much for the kind words
I would agree people can be too hard on women in those situations where they should get out of a bad marriage
Very true. And I personally feel the harshness is totally uncalled for
agreed
You have to question the religion that we practice if you want to do justice to this topic. The religions encourage women to have husbands when it is time. A vast majority of Nigerians are either Christians or Muslims. Who should we blame? The religions or the people following the religions?
No, not society. It's religions.
I agree with this. It is bad. However, if we really want a change, we need to address the issue from the root. Marriage should be done without a party having any reason to to be on the spending side and another on the receiving side. The idea of dowry payment and a man's family going to plead for a woman's hand in marriage should be abolished. The process shouldn't be unfair to either party. I support both parties having equal stake from the very beginning.
Starting from the first part. Religion does not force people to get married. Family and extended family do. The pressure comes more from the family and the people around.
The church is made up of the society so the believe of the society affects the church.
Then on the second part. Let's talk about dowry. The dowry payment is made to officially make the woman the part of the man's family. It's more like saying ok. Find I'm paying this token for this person to be part of my family. Or would you prefer everyone maintain their name, family, inheritance separately? I'm sure you'd say no.
So I personally don't think the marriage process is the issue I think male privilege is the issue.