What if? But if?

The first time I had to pack a bag for a travel that was to last for a while, I asked myself if I needed every item I picked. Simply asking myself didn’t work as I ended up with so many items I had no use for, because while I knew the truth, I kept letting the ‘what if, but if’ questions, get in the way.

I get lost in items very often. Cleanups, packing for a journey, or regular sortings, all these are opportunities for me to be reminded of things that once were. I could pick up a shirt I wore on the day I got to meet someone special, and rather than just smile at the memories, I carry them along, in hopes of remembering that experience forever. Items like these, if I went along with them as their memories seemed to speak to me, just a backpack wouldn’t be enough to fit all the possessions that speak to me. Rather? They’ll be weighing me down with feelings I would do just fine without.

Having alternated environment, in the past three years, I’ve learnt quite a bit. Memento’s only serve to bring you back to a certain point in life. A point, you would do just fine, even after you’ve moved on. Having to travel back to and from school, with items I didn’t need, has taught me the need for versatility. The need to be flexible through and through. However, as humans, it’s easy to be attached to sentiments, rather than simply letting go.

If I were moving away completely, the first thing I would be taking along with me, is my journal. I have this little journal I update from time to time. I rarely write manually but whenever I do, it’s usually to reflect on life as I’m experiencing it. Taking this journal with me, could be likened to having proof of a life that once was. A familiar item, to me would be very helpful in an unfamiliar environment.

A lot of time goes into deciding what and what goes with me, when it comes to traveling. Reason being that one can never be too sure of what he or she needs in that environment. While it’s okay to agree with this, I try to be careful so I don’t end up with outfits that can be worn only once. Alongside my journal, I’d throw in two neutral pants, a pair of shirts, a bottle of lotion, and a simple sandal.

While writing the above paragraph, a part of me was skeptical about the things listed being enough for a journey like the one I picture myself going on. It almost feels like I’m letting go of too much. Whereas, I’m simply freeing myself of all the weight, the expectations from random people in my current environment, and the need to be seen. As far as the journey is concerned, what I have with me are okay, seeing how they are easy to wear, comfortable and at the same time, suitable for my everyday duties.

Thanks for reading.