Sometimes I think the desire to minimalise is a mental illness.
Last night, much to Jamie's consternation, I was cleaning out the cutlery drawers, throwing old wooden spoons (those slatted ones have a way of holding crud, and why must they include them in sets?) into the 'op shop' box by the front door, nestling spoons with spoons and forks with forks, and wondering why a torch, a hairband, half a pack of gum, three screws and two almonds are doing in the second drawer down.
I'd already cleaned out the tupperware drawer. If a container didn't have a lid, out! I'd snapped photos for Marketplace - the ricecooker I never use, the spare cast iron pot for bread I no longer bake, the bamboo steamer that's never steamed the anticipated bao bun. Five dollars here, twenty dollars there.
Don't worry, my house isn't always this tidy.
The sauces were sorted - partly because of the bottle of fermented beetroot chilli sauce that finally exploded. The bottom inch of a bottle of fish sauce got added to the half full jar of fish sauce, and the first bottle in the recycling. The sink cupboard was wiped thoroughly, the brush and dustpan washed and popped on the front deck to dry.
'Tidy house, tidy mind', I say to Jamie. 'Sorry'. He's trying to mark Physics papers, and the banging and crashing are rather disturbing. He's the same though - he spend most of the morning in the shed sorting things into boxes and working out where things will go, and getting me to put gearboxes and things on Marketplace because he refuses to get the app or communicate with prospective sellers.
It's more than that though. I recognise this feeling. It's the feeling that if I can control my space, I can rein in the things that aren't in control, like how much money I don't have and when the house is going to sell. I'm anxious. I can't leave things to the universe like others I know do, so carefree and laissez faire. Jamie just spends the money until I cry stop. Even when I say we don't have any, he's showing me things to buy on Marketplace.
Oak bedside tables, $250. No babe, we have bedside tables.
Entertainment unit, $100. No babe, we don't have money for that.
Drill, because mine can't hold charge, $80.
'Will you stop fucking asking me to spend money?' I wail, throwing a micro fibre cloth into the sink where it splatters wetly.
'Sorry' he says, and gets back to his marking.
I don't want the clutter in my drawers and cupboards because it makes my mind feel more crowded. If I can sort everything out and have just what I need, I might relax a little. I think of my Mum after my Dad's death, when I asked her what she was going to do when she'd sorted out every drawer.
'Start again' she said, laughing sadly.
I imagine that hoarders are just doing the opposite thing for the same reasons.
With Love,
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Let me praise your house!! It looks cozy and I even dare to say that it smells very nice. Whenever I read about tidying up and finding peace of mind, I remember an old story by a Venezuelan author about a woman who feels lonely and useless and decides to commit suicide by putting her head in the kitchen oven. When she opens it, she realizes it is dirty and starts cleaning it. After cleaning the oven, she cleans the kitchen and then the house. In the end, the woman sees the clean house and feels such great satisfaction that she forgets about the suicide and goes to sleep happy. Well, in short, all this to say how external harmony can produce internal harmony and clarity. Greetings.🌺
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That's an absolutely brilliant story. Thanks for sharing!
Oh my, this is so... well true? I mean, I struggle with this on a daily basis. I get frustrated by the clutter, then I try to clean, and like most of my family, I place it in the drawer saying to myself "I will use this sometime, I am sure", just to end up moving it to another drawer and not to throw it away. But the desire to clean out, to get the work surface to be this clean... I yearn every day. What troubles me more is the digital clutter on my laptop and in my backup systems. The amount of photographs I keep just not to throw them out is sickening and keeps me up at nights. Either way, thank you for sharing this, it was a fun read with my own mind trying to declutter itself.
Ha, I think the trick is to get rid of a few things and then you realise the sky doesn't fall in!
That is the way! I need to actually do it. It is funny (and sad) just how much you can accumulate in a short amount of time. And I think that is the actual mental illness.
For the first half of my life (I hope it was the first half), I was like your husband: I didn't know how to manage money wisely. I spent everything I earned, often on things I didn't need. Now I'm different: I spend my time on who knows what, but I still stop myself from spending unnecessary money.
Today, on a walk, I didn’t even drink a cappuccino in my cafe. I told myself, why the hell pay that kind of money if in half an hour I’ll be drinking good coffee at home, in a soft chair in front of the TV with an interesting video on YouTube.
And yes, you have a small house, but I see a huge space in the photo, I love this kind of minimalism!
I hate spending money on coffee out! It's such a waste. I agree..
We work just to spend money!!! Nuts.
My papa was a rolling stone and gathered no moss, while my mother's motto was keep a thing its use will come. I'm caught somewhere between the two. I detest clutter but can't throw anything out. Suffice to say, we have several large sheds. That's a mental illness!
Ha, well the move forced us to declutter! Somewhere between the two is a healthy balance.
Didn't you just move in? How come you're decluttering again already? 🤔
You have a beautiful kitchen diner, btw
Ah no we were in for the school hols renovating but now we are back at the old place still waiting to sell. And soooo much Reno to do still..
Oh! I thought you'd sold your old place and moved to the new one already. That all makes sense then
Yeah sadly no. A bit stressful. And we made the benchtop from recycled Oregon. The new benchtop is yet to be made. In fact, the whole kitchen does..
I love induction cooktops.
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Hmm, this sounds like a brilliant idea. Maybe with some scotch bonnet pepper.
Amen! This in itself might be a sickness, and if it is, I have a full-blown disease.
I love the look of the entire place, and that ceiling glass panel is eye-catching. I'd love to see a close-up:)))
The glass panel?? Of the extraction fan/rangehood do you mean?
I hope we can make the new place as nice.
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Let pretend it is (a mental illness), so by definition, we will be immune against what it's not. Thus, we can create and think about our reality-based. And by doing that, we will not part of what's damaged everything