Through the years, I've had relationships with different people, including my parents, siblings, relatives, friends, and even loved ones, but I never realized how complicated these relationships can become when different love languages come together. One of the first ones that enlightened me about these was in the case of my favorite aunt, whose love language is gift-giving. She's someone I adore and don't joke with, and while growing up, I so much appreciated her gifts and even looked forward to them. However, as time goes on and I adopt a new lifestyle, it becomes somewhat complicated for me to deal with the numerous gifts that literally come each time we meet.
It's not like I no longer appreciate her gift or feel as though I'm bigger than such a gift; it's just that I'm the kind of person who cherishes each gift I get and hardly lets go of them. In fact, to make these more understandable, the last time I paid a visit to my parents place and went into my room, I was still able to see the stack of gifts I've gotten in the past, as far back as when I was just 8. I'm the type of person who always loves to hold on to such things, so it'll remind me of memories of those days and situations surrounding the gift.
But my last visit to my parents place made me realize I've stacked up many of these gifts to the point where they're cluttering my physical space. There's just too much, and despite being a minimalist, I find it hard to let go of most of them, so it was at that point that I knew it's best for me to take a drastic decision that would help minimize the amount I'd be getting from this favorite aunt of mine.
At first, I wasn't sure how to present my thoughts to her about the situation and how I'd love her to stop gifting me, but instead let our relationship be more focused on shared experiences and time out that create memories to look back on and be grateful for having her in my life. It was difficult for me to present this to her because most of her gifts are usually thoughtful; she's the kind of person who studies me, and when we meet, she always has one thing I need to present to me as a gift.
So after returning to my place and realizing that I still have many of her gifts that have filled up my space, I made the decision to talk to her about them, and when we next met, I tried as much as possible to let her know that I'm grateful for all her gifts, that I cherish them, and even took her on a memory lane, reminding her how excited I usually was when I got a gift from her while growing up, and all these I said first so she'd feel special and not hurt by my next statement.
After these, I remove the icing on the cake by letting her know I'd love for her to stop gifting me. I went on to start my reasons and let her know I'd always love her, regardless of her gift or not, and I also went on to say we can channel more of our meeting days into bonding more, share a cup of tea as we either discuss the past, present, or life in general, and I help her understand it'll be nice and would foster more connections between us and create lasting memories.
She agreed with my take and took it well beyond how I felt she would. It was a big relief for me, and this helps me understand that the role of communication in a relationship can't be downplayed; it's highly essential and the best route to understand each other's differences, bond well, and much more. Had I not communicated with her, she would have continued with her habits, and I wouldn't be comfortable, even though I cherish those gifts.
Although it's worth noting that although she did change and we had a wonderful experience thereafter, it wasn't a smooth change, because on a few occasions she'll be like, I understand your take on this, but you'll also have to listen to me, because I know you need this, and on those occasions, she's truly right, and I collect them, and since that's now once in a blue moon than in the past when it was each time we met, and I had to consider the financial impact on her and how it was cluttering my space.
These experiences taught me a lot about the need for communication in a relationship, the need to not joke with lessons about love languages, and the need to set boundaries in every relationship. When there's no boundary set via communication, one has no right to feel angry or uncomfortable about the other person's actions, and all of that has greatly impacted my life and improved my relationship with everyone around me.
Setting boundaries isn't an indication that we no longer love the other party; it's just a way to help the other person understand us better and know what we truly want, but when communicating such, we should do it in the most decent and gentle way so as to not create an unnecessary misunderstanding about the reason for our stand on such issues. As we know, relationships are built on love, trust, understanding, and communication, so each of these should be well noted in our dealings with our loved ones.
Thanks so much for your time. I hope you enjoyed the read. Have a wonderful day and stay blessed.
NOTE: All photos used in this article are mine.
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There are always those bonds that nothing can break them, with empathy and care, even long standing traditions can be managed respectfully, maintaining healthy boundaries while manifesting our loved ones is a beautiful synergy, I think now days its often harder to people to be open about their thoughts and feelings with fear to be judge or call out, as we get older this tends to faint, like you just care to be happy and in peace 😅✌️
You've said it all, sole aim as we grow is to live a peaceful life and one way to do that is speaking up and settling boundaries which is usually quite difficult to express such when we're much younger.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feedback.
I love this.
I love that she was an understanding person. Some, would have taken it personally but you communicated rightly. Sharing memories and experiences is surely a nice way to grow your bond.
I enjoy reading
That's nice of you to say.
Truely not everyone would take it well, but luckily she did and I that makes it easier for me.
Thanks so much for your feedback.