What's wrong with me? I'm always complaining that none takes me seriously but as soon as I am head over heels I lose my dignity completely.
Let me elaborate.
I am a loner, I have a really hard time socializing when I'm sober, and I try to be sober because being drunk doesn't suit me at all. I have few friends and I'm awesomely bad at flirting. So when this friend of mine started to act extra loving to me I immediately became his doormat.
And I am aware he only wanted sex, and that sucks because I fell hard for him. I know he is ghosting me and it hurts because I wanted something else. And I know I shouldn't even be thinking of him because I keep hurting myself because clearly we want different things and he's being an asshole to me for months now... but as soon as he texts I go meet him and the crying cycle starts again.
And this is not the first time, even in my actual relationships. I am fed up.
I want something nice, I want to be treated right. But it's like nowadays everybody's playing games and I don't know what to do. I feel like maybe I don't deserve something nice, maybe I just have to accept I am not worthy and stop being such a baby about it.
I thought we were friends, but ever since we had sex he doesn't give a hoot about me, he doesn't even text me unless he wants to sleep with me (which is not that often anyways). And I still have the nerve to idealize him because he pretended to be something else... I seriously want to slap myself in the face to see if I wake up from this delusion. Because I know I'm being stupid!
Just when I thought I was done crying he reacts to some drawings I posted in my social media and I felt like I wanted to vomit. Why do I have to be so silly? Why do I keep believing someone can actually care for me? Why do I keep believing one day things will be different? I don't know, and I won't know anytime soon...
Picture of a self-portrait done with needle and thread. Taken with my Xiaomi Redmi Note 9 cellphone.
It’s definitely a complicated thing, relationships. They can be great as well as brutal and it’s not easy to find a good one. I know it’s important though to be a good person in them because that’s what’s right, but what’s challenging is being too submissive if that makes sense. We have to know our strengths and value so that we don’t let people walk on us!
Totally. I find very difficult to see the limit. I guess I'm so afraid of confrontation that I just let things get out of control and end up losing myself in tbe situation 🫨
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