I always wanted to go home. I remember my first year when I was so eager to leave and then come back because I was sick of campus and it was so much better at home.
And now, I’m home, have been for three months and I’m so close to losing my godsdamn mind. There’s this saying that distance makes the heart fonder and although, it hasn’t ever hit me in a negative way before, i was quickly reminded how negatively it could hit me.
I’m tired. Tired of the constant complains and I didn’t even do anything. It’s like the more you do, the less they see and when you react, they sideline you like you don’t matter.
The day before yesterday, I got so fed up with my family I decided to go into my shell. Like keep to myself and hardly say a word asides to greet or answer calls. Guys I really have no idea how that turned into a problem. But late yesterday during our daily devotion at night, my mum used me as the topic for the day. Talmabout if there’s something eating you up, speak out. Mind you, it’s not like I completely retracted and fell off. I made sure to do my daily chores, get things done and just stay in my room. Keeping up with African parents is so stressful. I might just toss myself off a cliff at this point.
And I decided to ignore her as she kept on preaching with me in mind. And then, my dad joined in, saying if Ive joined anything bad, I should get myself far away from it. And I was so close to chewing off my fingers and breaking my teeth from how hard I was grinding them to keep myself from talking. Because, there was nothing wrong with me. I just wanted my alone time and didn’t wish to be happy happy for awhile. What’s wrong with that?
Please, and I now I want to go back to school quickly. But I don’t want to because I don’t really like it there. But there is peace in living alone. There’s serenity and there is beauty in it. It’s an art and a luxury and yes, I know. I am rambling right now, forgive me. I just wanted, needed sometime to think about my life and then, it seemed like it’s affecting everyone inside this damn house.
More reason to keep quiet! My rant is about the heart, fondness, and African families. I didn’t realy emphasize on the latter so please forgive me for that.
Thanks for reading;)
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I do think a lot of people from African homes will resonate with what you said about how alone time can easily be misunderstood as withdrawal or disrespect. It’s not easy trying to carve out mental space in environments that always demand emotional presence. Sometimes being away helps us breathe, even if it doesn’t necessarily make us happier.
In summary, I can relate like mad😂
I just want to go somewhere different man😔.
Take your time to do a lot of reflection before you're making a big decision. Have some patience and no rush. It seems from your story, African family is similar to Asian family. I can relate so much about this one.
Yeah, you are right.
I am not near ready to move out so I have to keep up with this till I know I am ready. Unfortunately .
Oh; you aren’t the first person I’m hearing this from😆. Honestly considering what I’ve heard, I don’t know which is better
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Whilst I'm not familiar with what it means to be part of an African family, I guess it might help to imagine life without them?
Not really, I didn’t help😂
Hahah they must drive you crazy!