The shadow of that time was still creeping into me, and I had to clench my fist not to be affected by it. The heart beating fast is just like a reminder of what I've been through during that time, and so I had to take a deep breath and wash away the negative thoughts that's still affecting me.
Last night was one of the worst nights that I experienced. I got nervous again because of my nose, I got pale, my heart is really beating fast, and then there is this loud and disturbing noise in my right ears. I experienced that loud noise too in my previous bleeding, it's like a drum being hit hard at a slow pace, and then no matter what I do, I can't just shrug off those negative thoughts that are eating my sanity.
I can't even tell the oldies or even my mama about it because I'm afraid they will get nervous too. When I thought that I would bleed again because of that liquid that I thought was blood flowing down my throat, I began to tremble, my hand were shaking so hard that I couldn't hold my cup because my hand was like a jelly, it's weak and has no strength at all. I'm really panicking at that moment, it's scary. While having a panic attack, I just drink a lot of water, and thanks God that helps too.
That time, all I could think was to prepare my things and put them in a big bag so that if ever "it happened," I would already have prepared my things. It's like I'm actually wishing for it to happen, but believe me, the panic attack is so intense this time that I had to do something to forget those dark thoughts creeping inside my head. I feel like I'm going crazy just thinking about it. While also doing things, I'm doing an inhale-exhale exercise so that I feel a little at ease.
It helps because the trembling slowly stops, and so I just sit on my bed while looking at all the stuff that I prepared. During that time, I feel like my soul finally went back to my body, and my nervousness eased down a little, but whenever I feel that liquid in my nose, which I think is just a runny nose, instead of gushing down to my nose, it went backward instead and went down to my throat. I will begin to worry again, and it's a nonstop scenario.
So what I did was get my phone and play music from my favorite playlist, "Oldie," which is literally all old and good songs. They are like my lullabies, and they help me a little too. I usually sleep at 7:30 or 8, but last night, I started going to bed at 7:10 and just played the music, put it on a timer for it to stop automatically, and set it for a 70-minute playtime. I didn't notice that it went off on its own because I woke up at 12:30 a.m.
I get up in bed to pee, and while doing so, I feel myself, particularly my nose and my ears. Fortunately, my nose is good again, no liquid gushing down to the throat, no loud noise in my ears, and I was like, "THANK GOD!" I sigh in relief after checking myself. I feel like nothing happened last night. When I woke up this morning, I felt energized and strong. But the bad news is, I have a sore throat (｡ŏ﹏ŏ). I think that liquid last night was just a sign of this, and I got nervous and all and went into panic mode ಥ_ಥ.
Anyhow, I decided to have a morning walk today because I think I need it to feel more energetic. It's actually just a short walk because I just have to go visit the Pandesal in a wheel to buy our breakfast. I just walked slowly this time to savor this early walk and also to wash away all those negative thoughts that's trying to cling in my head again. This is a good start for the day.
Wow, how intense everything you went through and it is really scary to have all that happen to you. I see you have your ways to go about controlling this feeling, with breaths and music, that's positive. I wish you never go through something like that again.
It us so scary, i am already in that point where I'm getting ready again to be admitted. I don't want that to happen but seriously, i'm not thinking clearly that time because of nervousness 😆😆. I wish that too, although this is the second time after two months, already that long no, I should be really okay now but, I can't stop nyself from worrying much.
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles at night. I felt your panicking moments through your sentences deeply. Listening to music is a very good idea to calm down. The inhale-exhale exercise is also very helpful. I have my own anxiety and panic issues, so I empathize with you a lot. I hope your morning walk also helped you.
It is seriously super scary, I'm just glad I got over that episode again. I don't want to experience it again but, it so nerve wracking especially I am all alone in that moment. 😥
Great move there, and so was listening to music.
It's so courageous of you to recap this terrible experience, and I'm pleased that you are in a better place.
A walk was also a great idea.
All the best wishes 🤗
It helps a lot, it helps too for my heartbeat to slow down until it go back into normal.
Thank you so much ✨💓. I can't still erase it in my head and i still overthink but it's a good thing thay my ways of making myself feel better is really effective 💓
I’ve not experienced a panic attack before but at night certainly seems like a challenging time to have them! I suspect it would be important to figure out why they are happening to get towards resolving that issue and making them go away. Good luck!
Yes, a very challenging one, and I'm also thinking that what if it happened at midnight where there's no vehicle available anymore on the road. That's why I sleep early that time because I don't want to overthink. Im just glad that I was able to sleep without any problem. I have a follow up check this coming 28th of May, so I might ask the doctor about the loud noise I keep on hearing that night. Thank you ✨
nights is special time...everything seems different at nights
I try to use breath as well when I am out of control, it helps a little bit