Wake up... Wake up... Wake up!!!
Sorry, sorry, not you... I was talking to Steven... Uhhmmm... ME!
Yeah, yeah, I know... I've been here before, always gettin' ready to strike out, move forward, do the stuff I say I am gonna...
Oh sorry, I was responding to the voice in my head, loud , chiding and ridiculing as I typed the words, so yeah, I guess I was still talking to me...
I have been trapped in a malaise, a downward spiral, maybe even a mild case of narcissistic victim disorder... It feels strange saying that as I have NEVER thought of myself as a victim EVER.
Oh but this is no mere passing funk, it has lasted for far too long.
When I realised I wanted to boot up my trusty PC and commit some thoughts to the page, I reviewed my last few posts and realised the last wholly positive one was 2 years ago!!!
The sparse offering since then has been about illness, brushes with the grim reaper (spoiler - I kicked his bony arse more than once!!!), Mam's 2 strokes, her care home journey after total disability and finally, her eventual death... I know, its like a bloody Greek tragedy.
The timing of all the stuff with my Mam (regional dialect name for Mum, Mom, Ma or Mother), came at the same time as I was supposed to be attempting rehabilitation after my own struggles and a couple of months in hospital.
I had to pull on my 'big girl pants', and buckle down and get on with it, it was nice to deflect from my own issues to be honest, although it undeniably set my recovery back for quite some time and I missed a ton of consultant appointments, scans, GP reviews and medication reviews. It seems that delay exacerbated some of the effects of the pancreatitis, sepsis and poor blood control, unchecked for too long also added to the burden.
Disclaimer - There was a scurrilous and entirely untrue implication in the above paragraph that Steven Wood wears big girl pants... I would like to set the record straight and state for the aforementioned record that I do not, (for the most part).
Whenever I do write a post here, I always state that I am hoping to be around more from now on... I am going to make that same bold, unproven and even possibly unlikely claim again.
I believe that by being around more and immersed in this amazing community will help me mentally and perhaps provide me with a little inspiration and that all important journal space for insane, nonsensical ramblings, (why mess with a proven formula, right?)
I am all too well aware that whenever I say that, life throws a curveball and the box of ceaseless tragedies reopens and thrusts another of it's bountiful treasures my way.
Ah, come what may, right?
So I guess I am here today to write another misery filled post to say that I am hoping to write more posts and particularly more optimistic and positive posts... Hmmm, maybe I should have cut to the chase and wrote one... Wow... Didn't think of that.
So let's call this potential unfulfilled reboot post #127, or comeback #94.
OR...
A new dawn and the resumption of my life as an actual member of the human race.
We shall see. I am constantly reminding myself to prove I am going to follow through on what I am supposed to be doing by doing it, rather than saying I am going to.
So in that spirit I am going to forego the next 3000 words that those who know me will be expecting and perhaps give myself the best possible chance to write much more often for that cathartic benefit I have always felt from writing.
I am not fit to return to any physical sort of work yet but I am getting better and being in this community more, may prepare me for the community beyond my front door, don't misunderstand me, I am much, much better than I was and getting stronger all the time.
There are many here who I miss immensely and I hope to reconnect over time, hopefully soon, but again, we shall see, right?
If it doesn't work the way I hoped, I am not gonna beat myself with a big stick, but I am gonna try harder. I can guarantee, (barring fate's cruel intervention), my posts will be a lot more regular than they have of late and my Hive journey and education will resume at whatever pace it resumes.
I remember when I was writing often, I used to talk about approaching 50 and musing over what that would mean to my life... I am now approaching 53 and realise I had zero clue about what life can do in the blink of an eye and that you only really have now to do what you gotta do!
Tomorrow, is, as they say, implied but never promised and certainly not guaranteed!
I hope you dear reader are well and plodding on in the right kinda fashion and if not, realise that where there's life, there's hope, you can do more than you think over time and it is rarely too late to make a change.
Don't be cruel to yourself, don't expect too much of yourself and appreciate the you that you are today, even if you are hoping for a better you in the future.
Until I am here again, (which is gonna be soon, right?).
Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post and if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!
Either way I want you to know that you are appreciated!
Keep taking the time to connect with each-other both here and in the 'so-called' real world and try and look after each-other, because as you already know...
Steven! How wonderful to see a post from you. All any of us can do is keep moving forward. You are never alone in that struggle. Whether it is one or 100 posts, it's always good to hear from you.
Yeah it was great to see him popping in!
Thank you so much. When disappearing for so long overandoverandover the fear is that no one will notice or worse still even remember who you even are lol.
It should come as no surprise that you and @cmplxty were in my comment section so soon after I his 'post!', I always wonder that I am going to sound insincere when I say things like this but you and that dude are and have always been 2 of the most supportive people in this community, and for that I am truly grateful.
Now the onus is on me to use my improving health and optimism to get to enjoy the company of you and the many other wonderful people that Hive has introduced me to by showing up and also supporting newbies in the way I was supported what feels like a lifetime ago.
Truly lovely to cross paths with you again lovely Melinda010101010101010101010 😎💝
Steven, my sweet, I'm so glad that reports of your demise have been severely exaggerated. No more excuses now..or I'll beat you with a big stick myself🙃
Ah! The first part of that message made me believe you were going to be utterly lovely, only... That would have been extremely disappointing and of course others would know your secret, so I would incredibly relieved to see the 'big stick' being brought out to rescue a rather precarious situation.
Challenge accepted of course!
Thanks for being around, a grateful and fun pleasure as always 😎
I'm getting lovelier every day. I dunno how long more I can keep it a secret:)
I can absolutely relate!
It's the same with me and humility... I swear, I don't know another alive who is more humble than me, if I get any more humble, I will likely be beatified.
Hmmm Saint Steven has a nice ring to it, oh wait, it's been done.
Apparently, he was the first Saint to die, I am rethinking how my great humility should be celebrated by all before me 🤔
Ah g'way St Steven. Sure everyone knows I'm the humblest person on the blockchain. I'd say I'm at least twice as humble as you are. Sure don't I talk about it all the time in my posts?
Good to see your health continues to improve. Glad you are still here and feel like posting. I'm still here too and when I first created my account I never imagined I would still be here years later. I always love seeing a post from you in my feed and hope you can manage to stick around.
Same! Always like to check if you are still around lol
Jeez, you'd think we have no faith in each other 🤣
Very grateful to have connected over our treasured memories and shared loss of beloved pets, Gem (I believe I spelled that right!) the cat, and Lady the dog, respectively. Thank you to @averageoutsider I often think about him and wonder the obvious questions...
I also find it a blast that I am one of I would imagine close to zero people who remember the derivation of your username, I'm sure many wonder...
SPOILER The mailman did it 🤣
Even in the so-called real world, people are often astounded by the little things I remember about them, their jobs, their family, that has always been because people are genuinely important to me and when they share, I choose to honour, respect and have great gratitude for that.
That doesn't mean I like all humans and don't think many are just bloody jerks!!!🤣Things will always come along in life to stop us in our tracks, but while I have a breath and as long as Justin Sun doesn't head this way lol, I will always return to Hive, not least because of the things I mention above.
I know many do not consider online community type friends real friends but I do, so just to say, if we don't cross paths for a while sometimes, your checking in from time to time has always been hugely appreciated and I wish you nothing but all the very best for you brother! 😎
By the way we met between 7 and 8 years ago, isn't that crazy?
Raises a glass to averageoutsider 🥂
Your posts sometimes get buried and missed in my feed because of the time difference between us. So every once in a while I do feel the need to check in on you.
That's impressive. Sometimes I barely remember the derivation of my username myself. Interestingly, I still have the same mailman and still talk to him. Sadly, he is getting older and has knee and shoulder issues. He might need to retire sooner rather than later.
Did you know averageoutsider's alt account was angryman. He posted more there in later years but has not been active in over 2 years. Towards the end he was expressing interest in spending less time on social media including Hive. He was also upset about some of his friends being the target of abusive downvoting. He also became blind in one eye due to an injury from his days in the military. So he was having to type with one eye. But overall he was still doing good and looking after a lot of stray furry friends.
Hey man, good to see you around! I know we have all kinds of plans for things we need or want to do but it’s important to try to focus on our health. If your health improves with the engagement here then commit some more time but if it’s too much, do what you can and enjoy it!
Hope you are on the mend man!
Oh man, you have always been such a cool, supportive, pragmatic Rockstar! 🚀
You will deny the Rockstar part of course, (bloody humility!🤣) but I care not, I said it and there will be no recanting it, I am genuinely happy to see you and to cross paths again is a joy.
I am moving down the road to better health more rapidly now that I am able to focus on myself and am honestly treating myself like someone I care about, it amazes me how many people forget that.
Please believe me when I say this, you are truly appreciated man! The caring, supportive comments really are gratefully accepted with a smile at the meaning behind them.
May you and yours prosper in all the really meaningful ways, me and mine hope for that with a full heart. Rock on my friend 😎
That's awesome man, I'm glad you are moving towards a better self and future!
Thanks for the kind words! I have been making meaningful strides to try to bring good vibes to as many areas of life as possible. It doesn't cost anything to give someone some kind words, and it actually helps us both out because we both feel better with genuine and warm interaction instead of arguments, vitriol and lame shit. You can get loads of that elsewhere!
I appreciate you stopping by my friend! This community is welcome every single opportunity you want to drop some thoughts or leave some comments! It's turned into a pretty fun place that's for sure!
Very noticeably and effectively!
This is a GREAT way to live for all the reasons you mention and more.
And, Yup, I will be around, you can bank on it 😎
Can you fly brother?
I survived, so I didn't get my wings... Oh wait, now I understand 😉
Yes I can, physically, but financially is a different latter as my employers kicked me out while I was too unwell to work and times are hard man... However, I recently had an epiphany about money (actually, it was when I was ill in hospital)
Money doesn't mean a thing, it's a game, a trap, a distraction, so I don't really care. Things will work out in that regard one way or another, they always do.
However, I should point out that I am sooo much better than I was and getting better all the time. I am really just mulling over what my new life will be, I will never be as physical as I was but I am doing so many of the right things to get as close as I can.
In many ways I have an opportunity, if I only choose to frame it that way.
Nice work on the temple man. I wish I was good with my hands like that, I imagine the view from that window with the sun streaming in to be amazing.
Stay happy my friend 😎