Life Is a Shitshow

^{my simba}

I was reminded by my journal (I have this journal app on my phone) that I haven’t written anything in weeks. I thought maybe I’d write one line of something when the day was over, but honestly, I didn’t even know what that one line of something would be, not until I watched this one movie today.

In the movie, which stars Liam Neeson, his daughter looks at him and asks, “Life’s a shitshow, isn’t it?”
For a moment, it felt like she was asking me directly.

I paused the film, opened my journal and started typing.

But somewhere between the first and second line, I realized that I didn’t want to make it just a journal entry anymore. I wanted to turn it into a blog post.

Because yes, life is a shitshow.

You know one day, you’re happy and everything feels like it’s finally coming together but the next, you’re questioning all your decisions while eating cereal for dinner. You make plans, set goals, write to-do lists that look impressive and still somehow end up scrolling aimlessly through social media watching other people’s lives and wondering how they’re able to get their shit together. That’s if they do at all anyway. And like that, time slips away, before you know it, the sun’s dipping below the horizon.

It’s wild how life can make you laugh in the morning and break you by night. Some say that’s just the deal we signed up for when we arrived here. But my arrival here was involuntary. I can’t even find the papers because I’d love to undo such a crazy deal. They say we signed up to exist in a constant mix of chaos, wonder, heartbreak, and joy. But why can’t we have it all sweet smelling and comfy?

Some days you’ll feel like the main character; other days, you’ll barely feel like an extra. But what fascinates me is that somehow between this shitshow, we mostly don’t just recline and do nothing. Sometimes we whisper the G-word to ourselves yet we keep trying. Make coffee, tea, answer a few messages (or don’t), chase deadlines, cry, laugh, eat, breathe and we keep going, even when we don’t fully understand why.

Speaking from experience, in between all that madness, there are moments, small, soft moments, that make it all worth it.
Personally, it could be a random compliment, the sound of rain hitting the roof, the sudden cool evening breeze on my face that reminds me like “hey, you’re still here”. Could also be the quiet peace that comes after a good ugly crying.
Those little moments kinda remind us that the show must go on, even when the script makes no sense.

Life is honestly one long, unpredictable, ridiculous show. Very messy, unscripted and sometimes painful. But still, it’s ours.
So yes, life’s a shitshow. But it’s also laughter, love, rain, healing and that strange, beautiful feeling of waking up each day and choosing to try again even when you don’t feel like it.

I hope this week brings us all peace🌸🖤