Together illustrations by Storyset
To set the stage for this post, watch this,
Today is my mother's birthday, and she's well into her sixties. I think she is 64, which means she is one year older than Nigeria. My maths adds up quite well.
Yesterday, after I came back from the gym, I tried to talk to her about my psychoanalysis of my problematic brother and how we should view some of his actions through the lens of empathy. We should not chase him away, but find ways to draw him closer.
My aunt recently passed away. She had a mental health problem (which I never assessed), but it made it hard for her to be buried in our village, where it is seen as a taboo to bury those who have mental health problems.
I remember explaining to my mother over the phone that mental health problems have evidence of genetic components. Now, face to face, we were having a conversation about it and my analysis of the matter.
My mother is a second-wave feminist, although she wouldn't bother herself enough to get into the conversation to know that she is.
Being born in 1959 right after the pill was approved by the FDA in 1960, she was part of the world that emerged from the catastrophe that was birth control.
But was birth control really a catastrophe?
When I was doing my Obstetrics and Gynecology posting as a medical student, my mother told me that I should advocate for the woman who has many children because she had many children.
My mother, who gave birth to eight children, had a long story to tell me yesterday about the way the mind works.
The Feminist Movement
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I spend a lot of my time trashing the feminist movement, but most of the sentiments I have are towards the third and fourth wave who, in my assessment, do not have a big fight, considering the initial fight was not won.
During the time my mother fought alongside the feminist movement (in her own way), the movement also developed new thought and formed part of the cornerstones of psychology today.
My mother's fight included the use of birth control. This so called "women's savior," was the cause of a lot of my mother's heartache.
Between 1979 and 1985, my mother gave birth to six children. She was a mother (a life giver) to six humans who never existed before. In that time, she also struggled with the fact that she wanted to go to school (high school).
She spent all her time reading and preparing to go to high school (which was part of her marriage contract), but was held back by the fact that she kept getting pregnant with my older siblings.
In 1985, she visited the family planning clinic and got a copper Intrauterine device (IUD), and during the six years that she used it, my mother suffered from menorrhagia due to the copper implant.
My mother was one of the first people to use the copper IUD. During the years of its use, my mother was pale and dizzy during her menses.
In October 1991, she was injected with Vitamin K, and the bleeding stopped.
For three months, there was a time of normalcy for my mother, up until the IUD failed, and she became pregnant again with @belemo. They did what they could to get rid of the pregnancy except anything illegal in Nigeria.
The fetus was supposed to come out with the IUD, at least that is what they hoped, but that is not what happened.
My mother's fight was with her body and the low quality of life with the use of a contraceptive device that was not properly developed at the time.
The Children of Feminists
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My mother finished her schooling with a seven-month pregnancy. In the next six years afterward, she gave birth to me and @young-boss-karin.
We are the children of a die-hard feminist.
In Nigeria, there were other feminists beside my mother, encouraging her all the way, giving her the hard information for her to make decisions that only the disciplined could take. Like having the baby, going to school (with the pregnancy), and keeping money for your children.
Yet another strong feminist was Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti, the mother of Fela Anikulapo Kuti. She was an advocate also for Nigeria's independence. Her son's song in 1970 was the most red pill song out there at the time (Titled: Lady). He did his best in that song to alert people to the nature of women in the workplace.
Men at the same time, when women were getting into the workplace, were being manipulated for their chivalry.
Men had been taught to bury their heads in the sand and work so they can take care of those they love. But now, those they love (women) did not need them.
My mother stayed with my father, even with his bad spending habits and other shortcomings. It was hard advice, but it was an informed decision, knowing she too was not perfect.
For Men
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I am writing this story with references to science, biology, and psychology to tell my mother's story – how she coped and how discomfort led to all the decisions she made.
Today, educated women leave marriages 70% of the time, putting men at a substantial risk of suicide. However, I am sure that some women leave for the right reasons.
I believe that men are not well adjusted to the biological, social, and psychological changes that took place with the advent of birth control. For men, I suggest making an informed decision. The only thing that will save us is discipline, but in the meantime, we need to talk to each other. That is the importance of the "manosphere" in my view.
If you are out there and you need to talk, please try to reach out.
You can send me a message on WhatsApp at +2348134530293, and we can have a conversation, or you can speak with a licensed therapist.
Long story short
This blog post is a tribute to my mother, who fought for her rights and the rights of other women during the second wave of feminism. Her struggle to balance motherhood and education, and her experiences with birth control, are just some of the many stories that highlight the complexity of women's lives.
As we continue to navigate the modern world, it's important to acknowledge the progress that has been made in terms of gender equality, while also recognizing that there is still a long way to go. Men, in particular, must become better adjusted to the changes that have taken place with the advent of birth control, and make informed decisions about their lives and relationships.
Finally, it's important to have open and honest conversations about these issues. By listening to each other's experiences and perspectives, we can gain a greater understanding of the challenges we face and work together to create a more just and equitable world.
Inkscape.org
Interesting and well researched read I must say. I never actually looked at mummy in this light.
Your anecdote of daddy's spending habit requires context and proper elaboration because overall, he did a good job, with all things considered.
Yeah he definitely has... I should have expanded on that...me and mummy had a long conversation... I'm likely to have more extended write ups
Oh? Didn't know you are @belemo's sibling. Are all you guys on here?
Yup. I'm the one that broke the IUD and inevitably brought Ebingo and Karina to the world.
I even tried to get my dad on hive but he's way too old school for it.
Lol...
Just 3 of us
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Very enlightening story! Surprisingly personal for Hive.
Though there are some studies still coming out showing some unforeseen dangers of the pill and others, I think the problem for men and women right now is simply that society is changing too fast.
The vast majority can't keep up and we still have no idea what the conseuences of these social movements will be. I'd guess we're all getting more than we bargained for.
For example, educating women = fewer children = good. But at the same time we see it as an economic nightmare. So, more or less children? We don't know. If we could slow down the rate by like half, we'd probably work things out just fine.
True ! The world is changing very fast, there are many advances nowadays. Here is a simple example. In my country Venezuela, in the past, when a woman wanted to be sterilized, the couple had to issue a permit to be able to do it, if the man did not agree, even if she wanted to, he could not. Not anymore, now the woman decides about her body.
All a matter of excitement about technology and no recollection of the consequences...Isn't this very divisive to the family (the supposed smallest unit of society)?
I wanted to give a clear picture of the pace at which society is moving...especially in Africa.
Yes, and evaluating the effect of this change as good or bad (its morality) is not going alongside the technological advancements.
Sometimes while I meditate...I get thoughts...I wish some other being in the universe were assessing what we doing and could give us (humans) feedback on what it thinks the direction of this world would be.
I would trust a talking turtle that has seen hundreds of years of human existence than any of the psychologist or social science professors right now.
I immediately feel so alone when I think about stuff like this...Humans are so alone...
Yeah I love to put some faith in the scientific method, but it's certainly not meant for deciding morality, something people often forget. Don't make political decisions based on science, for example. Use science to build a picture of reality, then use that as a part of your decision making process which is more where philosophy and democracy comes in - and maybe a wise old turtle.
Lol, yeah...But the world will keep up going in its trajectory, I just hope we can find somewhere safe where ever that is.