The most important thing is making an INFORMED decision and you have tried to do your research which is more than many have done. I truly don't begrudge anyone for doing what they feel is right for their own medical situation, that is each person's right and we need to help ensure that it stays that way.
I'm sorry for your loss, it is never easy. My family have had friends die from the flu over the years but we have not had anyone from covid.
I hope that you and everyone else has no ill effect from the shot, our health is one of the most precious things we have.