youngest gray cat, a day in the life of her guardian

in Hive Petslast year

i have two cats, but youngest gray cat of mine has grown up to be some odd type of cat that i have never known before.

look at her face.


this cat knows everything but she refuses to speak when i ask. what i would give to learn her secrets! the secret that i do know, is that one day we were being chased by the po-lice. she was shot, and my only way to revive her was to feed her beer. i knew the risks, but i had no other choice.

ever since that day, i know that it's only ever a matter of time before she demands that i provide her a steady supply of beer. i never know for how long, but she torments me. sings songs, maybe to mock me, i don't really know.


gang of cats stalk through the night
little paws so full of might
kitty claws will sting like burrs
something wicked this way purrs

i made this out of a famous poem and the feelings of fear my youngest gray cat gives me.

the only way i really can stay sane is by writing about the things she does. maybe if other people know what is happening to me, at least i won't feel so crazy, and if something happens to me, they'll be able to give a warning about what probably happened.


ahh. the power is out, great, at least my phone is fully charged. but it's so quiet in here. ah dang it i tripped over something, my toe. it hurts.

"You live your life you go in shadows." It sounds like my youngest gray cat, though it sounds like it's coming from outside. Weird.

"You'll come apart and you'll go blind"

what the hell is she singing. i brought her some beer, i know she's drunk under the bed or something. should be happy for the night.

my older dilute calico cat is laying on the bed, i will go pet her.

"some kind of night into your darkness" now it's my older cat singing, she startled me so bad i about hit my head on the ceiling! this is some kind of dmt trip or something, i don't know what's going on.

My youngest gray cat appears from under the bed and leaps at me. Oh, but she is licking me, it's cute. "Color your eyes with what's not there," she whispers into my ear.


wtf, i'm going to the kitchen.

i don't know when the power is coming back on so i guess i shouldn't, but i really need some kind of frozen treat. i open the freezer quickly and grab one of those frozen tubes of colored sweet liquid. i always forget the name. like "lick-em-up" or "suck-me-down" or some silly name like that. i always like the lime one i think the best but i can't see.

It's so good. Hell yes, I think I even got lime, but it's funny how the lack of light might be affecting my ability to discern the true flavor. OH- Fla-Vor-Ice! I think that's the name of them!

oh for the love of- mother pus bucket!, my older dilute calico swiped my treat from me. i was really enjoying it too. what is she going to do with it?? oh.. already i hear her tongue lap-lap-lapping at my delicious treat


i need to move.

AHHH what is going on, i am on the ground. something tripped me. it's youngest gray cat. i see her. oh no ahh, she bit my damn ankle. WHY am i always having my ankles attacked by my cats?! i scream to the heavens and raise my free hand and shake it at my ceiling fan. i give them fancy feast and in a variety of flavors to satisfy their changing tastes. giving beer again to the young one because i fear the alternative. but still, my ankles. WHY

Both of my cats appear above me. Oh, just sing for me. I don't have a choice.

"fade into you" the dilute calico meows to me

the youngest gray cat purrs "i think it's strange you never knew"

she places her fuzzy belly onto my face and lays down. okay ugh move, let me finish this post



(i don't actually know if she is a "dilute calico" don't worry consider it an artistic choice)


she'll be back. she always comes back for more.


Best cat post I've seen all day.

i have a feeling it was also the ONLY cat post you'd seen all day LOL

No that's not true. I saw this cat post as well:

source: Amazon

ahaha very funny

my youngest gray cat is very sad



My cat looks like it ate too much again.

You bolded the line I liked the best. I feel validated.
Thank you for clearing up exactly how many cats are involved.

i bolded MY favorite line


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