As a girl, I have seen and faced many things in life. I always hear people say that the way someone dresses can influence how others behave towards them. Often said that, some clothes people wear is to seduce the other person. I disagree with this kind of mindset. A piece of cloth can never cause people to have bad intentions. I believe it's the mindset to blame not the other person or their clothes. I do believe in dress codes, we should present ourselves differently at different places. You can't go to the school with the dress which you went with to the disco party. It means we should keep differences between personal and professional life. I believe harmful intentions come from a person’s mindset when they think they can get away after harassing because they can simply blame the the victim and that is the most easiest thing.
For an example, if I look at someone and have inappropriate thoughts, that is my responsibility. It has no correlation with the other person because I do everything by myself, by my own choices and nothing can influence me unless I want to be influenced or think that I'm being influenced. No one should be blamed for wearing something attractive or different. Everyone has different kind of thoughts for clothes and it exist in our own minds. Clothing does not control our actions; we do. If someone can not control their eyes then it's on them not on the other people. We have freedom to do what we like not only that we have free will, that doesn't mean we should misuse it. Like I can't imagine a teacher teaching at a school in a bikini, that would be hilarious. So, there should be dress codes for places and it should vary. We should be understanding to tackle with the situation and dress according to it.
Anyway, it becomes even clearer when we think about children. Or the boy child, what can be attractive about them? Even though they are from a different gender. The abuser is not gay obviously, he just wants to pursue for his lust at any cost, that's why he wouldn't mind if it's a guy or a girl, or a kid. We often justify by saying maybe that person is crazy, out of their mind, pedophile but that's not always the reason. These people know kids won't say anything or can't protest that is why they target children the most, because they can get away easily. A child victim and an adult victim there's no difference other than the age. We would prioritise more if it's a child but not the same for an adult, why? I feel the victim can be anyone the age or gender does not matter. They are all victims of harassment, abuse, and violence. They all deserve the same treatment from us. Anyway, clothing was never a problem, it always has been used as an excuse.
The responsibility belongs entirely to the person who chooses to do bad things. Moreover, if someone’s favourite colour is blue and mine is black, I would not attack them because their choice is different than mine, right? Also, If someone loves vegetable rice and I like pizza, that difference does not give me a reason to attack them. So why should clothing be treated differently?
We are not clones, we are supposed to be different and have different choices. But no one has the right to abuse just because someone feels bothered by it. We need acknowledge the basic thing that, we should prevent someone else’s bad behaviour, instead of asking someone to not wear something attractive. We should be teaching children's from young age that they should always respect other people and learn to control their actions.
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Usually when these conversations happen, I try to move it to a more neutral ground. A lot of these feminist talks sometimes are too skewed that they ignore reality. So for example, taking the 'woman element' on this situation, how much will your logic remain. Here is an example:
A tall and strong man go out on the street with jewelry:
was that his decision? yes
did he do it to attract attention? yes
Did he made it to show off? yes
Did that increase the appeal for someone else to target you and rob you? yes
Is robbery wrong? yes
Did that mattered? no
So we can agree wrong things happen regardless and your choice to produce that situation. And it doesn't matter if you are guy or a gal.
In my POV, being robbed and being sexually assaulted can never be the same thing. Being sexually assaulted is much more private and personal and it can traumatize a person far more deeply than losing jewelry, which can be bought again.
Sexual harassment is very sensitive because it involves someone using another person's body physically without their consent. I have never experienced such things myself because I am usually with my mom, dad, or brother. But I can still understand how painful and frightening it can be because I have empathy. I don't need to experience something myself to understand what it might feel like.
You're a guy, so imagine someone drugs you and sexually assaulted you who is a gay person, so you're unable to protect yourself. So, what would you blame yourself for? You could have been dressed completely normally and you're still a man. The blame would never belong to you. The problem would be the mindset of the person who chose to harm you.
That's my main point: you cannot blame yourself for being harassed or assaulted because of what you were wearing. Even something as simple as ears, palms, feet or the veins on your hands can attract another person's attention. A person can feel lust from literally anything. But that doesn't give them the right to violate someone.
If you look at Muslims, to them every part of the body is considered lust, which is why they make women cover their bodies by wearing a burqa. But they are still being harassed, but even if someone doesn't cover themselves, that still doesn't give anyone the right to harass or assault them. The responsibility remains with the person who chooses to act on their desires.
I think most victims will look on what they did to cause it and blame themselves. It happens all the time. Whenever is sexual assault or be involved in a car crash. Issue is to loose touch with reality and cover it with idealism. Just because you put your attention on what should or shouldn't happen doesn't mean it doesn't plays a role. Not always, and is not automatic but it does increase the risk.
And this doesn't only happen with men, women play a role too. When you dress way too 'slutty', other girls are quick to talk behind your back and just get 'general bullying'. And doesn't really matter which culture you go to, from the US to Japan, there is this situation when teenage girls want to dress provocative and parents prevent that because it send the wrong signal about their daughters education. You see it on sitcoms all the time:
At some point, I think that most mature adult influences people through their dressing, And they do deserve whatever they get.
Sorry, I couldn't understand what you meant.
I mean some people are aware of the results their dressing can give and they don't just care about it.
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Obviously, it's a matter of mindset. A short dress is never a reason for others' evil intentions, but I don't think you can blame others for criticizing a dress when society isn't set up like that. You are allowed to wear anything, but you should maintain limits as a female. I also need to mention it as a male. If I go out in society wearig a boxer, I will be criticized even if I am a boy also. I think the place is the deciding factor in many case. And you explaind it with your example even if you didn't say it directly.
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Yes, if you read my post I said the same thing. We should maintain dress code, like the example I mentioned that I can't imagine a teacher wearing a bikini to the school, lol. But it's not about men or women. It's about the harassar who doesn't care what you are wearing because he just wants to attempt the lustful thoughts in his mind.
!PIZZA
Your points are valid, someone's clothing should not be used as an excuse in rape cases, even if the person is indecently dressed, It is the mindset of the viewer.
But let's be real, a lady dressed in a fully revealing way, may actually have nothing in mind, but deep in her mind knows that her cloth might bring lustful stares towards her because her dress is seducing. When she steps out and eventually gets eyes on her, the viewers judge by what they see and not her intention of wearing it. Modest dressing I think should summarize this, and wearing the appropriate dress to different environment.
That is what I meant, due to environment change your styles. But still it doesn't give right to harass or rape someone .
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You are right dear!!!!!!!!!
I completely agree with the reflection you've shared with us!
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Thank you, I am glad you agreed.
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