“It's like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.” Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee's quote, which comes from the movie Enter the Dragon, is an appropriate metaphor for the average person’s perspective on personal safety. To them safety is something that exists outside of themselves. They think personal safety requires tools, other people, military training, and often, luck. I am going to introduce a different perspective. I believe the tools of safety are important, but they are finger pointing to the moon, not the moon itself.
Personal safety is often not a concern until a bad thing happens. For example, a young woman goes out on a first date. She has a weird feeling about her date and wants to call it off. The date begins sending her hundreds of texts a day. They then starts showing up at her home and place of work even though she never said where she lives or works. Bewildered, she wonders why this is happening to her.
To address these types of concerns, I developed a concept called Metamorphic Safety.
Metamorphic Safety is not about the latest technology, combat theories, or martial arts moves. It is a way of thinking about your life that improves your safety. The core quality of Metamorphic Safety is introspection. Doing the hard work of figuring out why you are the way you are is what it is about.
This approach is not about victim blaming. I acknowledge that random acts of violence happen. However, when you begin to understand the mind of the criminal you realize that there is a vetting process they do. It has been scientifically proven that certain types of people are preyed upon more than others.
Metamorphic Safety works like this. Make a list of traits you think a weak person has. To make things simple, think about everything you do in a single day and imagine how a weak person would do them. If you sit at a desk, how does a weak person sit? If you drive, how does a timid person drive? If you talk to people, how do they talk? Get the point?
When you are done, do the same thing with a paranoid person. Make a final list for someone who is perfectly balanced between the two extremes.
When you are all finished imagine the things that would push you to be one way or the other. What would make you act like a weak person? What would make you act like a paranoid person?
You might be asking what does any of this have to do with safety? Remember when I said certain types of people are preyed upon by criminals?
Let me explain why this important. Small, subtle changes in your life can drive you to one of the extremes. Here are a couple hypothetical examples.
You are over the moon because you just got a new job and it is paying more then you ever dreamed of. The new job comes with a cost though. The bigger pay requires longer hours. Longer hours mean you don’t have time prepare your meals, which is something you’ve always done. You are now eating out more and less healthy. The job requires you to hang out with co-workers and spend less time with your family. Your co-workers enjoy happy hour and because of that you’re drinking more. It goes on for years like this. You feel trapped because of the great pay and the benefits. You put on weight, the lines in your face get deeper, you feel terrible about yourself and your family life is out of control. Your self-esteem hits an all-time low and you now fit the profile of a victim.
Let’s look at what can happen at the other extreme. You have been victimized in some way and can’t shake the feeling of being extremely vulnerable. Instead of going to a therapist, which would be advised, you start buying gun magazines. You get transfixed on the “hardware” of personal safety. You eventually become convinced that you need to own a gun…a lot of guns. You also install security cameras all around your house and stop going outside. You begin to feel like you are being threatened by imaginary enemies. You develop a skewed view of the world which tells you people are dangerous and not to be trusted. Your paranoia goes untreated for years. You lose friends and your mental and physical health deteriorate. No one can hurt you physically anymore, but you are not living your best life, and you are far from being happy.
As you drill down into every aspect of your life, you will notice how an unaddressed imbalance can lead to a downward spiral. The trip to the bottom will affect your personal safety in different ways. If you allow yourself to get transfixed on the hardware of personal safety, you will miss the opportunity to solve the real problem. You will miss the moon.