Since January of this new year I have been pushed to face and overcome my ego, my fears, toxic attachments, and anything or anyone who gets in the way of my personal self growth. Through conversations, invocations, and spiritual offerings with my soul family members, I have come to many realizations about myself. I am still growing so in no way am I implying that I have mastered my self healing but I will say that I have made so much progress in these past few months since I started my travels from the East Coast to West Coast of the United States, to now being in Mexico. If you haven't noticed by now, I titled this blog post 'Worthless' and the reason being is not only to promote my latest NFT artwork but to also share a piece of my self that is deeply personal. This self-portrait painting was created using oil paint on a huge canvas , and it depicts me in a somber mode, with red eyes showing that I was crying. The painting shows me at a point in my life where I was depressed, involved in a toxic love triangle as well as battling with low self confidence due to my lacking mentality in regards to my finances. I found myself sitting on my bed, alone one night in my room crying my heart out, and suddenly in that moment I felt compelled to pick up my phone and take a selfie capturing all my sorrow. This photograph became the reference image for the painting.
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Jay Golding, Worthless, Mixed media on canvas, 47.5 x 36 in.
The graffiti-like style depicted amongst my portrait above was created by one of my older cousins years ago, and was a part of the canvas prior to me painting on it myself. I found the canvas in my mother's garage one day and decided that I would paint on it, and this was the result. In the background to the right I painted the word "WORTHLESS" in pink and in all caps to signify how strongly the feeling was for me in that moment when the picture was initially taken. My decision to paint this portrait at a later date was more so a way for me to cope and observe myself and my personal struggles at the time. While speaking with my brother Matthew yesterday, the topic of past relationships came up and so did this painting, which inspired me to not only create an edition of 3 NFT versions, but to also share this story with you. Some key points of that conversation that stuck with me is the fact that this painting reminds me of how much I've grown and changed since then, but also to not judge who I was at that moment and to remember that all emotions or feelings are important and serve their purpose. I'm super grateful for the amazing souls that I am surrounded with, because I have learned so much from them and continue to learn from them daily, but also I am not judged or ridiculed, and I am able to just BE. I don't take these types of relationships for granted because I know what it's like to feel drained and not seen by those closest to me. To anyone reading this who may be currently battling what I was battled back then, just know that you are seen, you are love, and that you are not alone. Don't allow anything or anyone to make you dim your light and shut your self off from your true power and abundance. I was inspired to share this, and my wish is that this can inspire someone else. Life is beautiful.
To view my NFT click here: https://nftshowroom.com/kwame89/gallery/kwame89_self-reflection_worthless
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