Me, in my bus on the way to the market where I sold 14 million pieces of sushi.
Let me tell you the story of how I got rich.....
I was approached by a friendly, beautiful unicorn one day during my morning walk. This unicorn walked right up to me and whispered in my ear,
“Find Yuni’s Foodcoin Co-op.”
I replied to the unicorn, “Where am I going to find that and why should I?”
The unicorn answered, “Unicornswap. Your future awaits.”
The next day while working at my sushi shop, all I could think about was this unicorn and the word, Unicornswap. What did it all mean? Was I going crazy?
I decided to Google “Yuni’s Foodcoin Co-op.” After I clicked on the first result, a giant poof of pink smoke appeared in my room. After the smoke cleared a bit, I saw a four-inch tall, brown-haired girl appear. She had a name tag on, it said, “YUNI”.
Yuni began to cough then she caught my eye.
“Come with me, Nomi,” she said.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
She answered, "To my Foodcoin Co-op. Well, the Co-op isn’t mine. It belongs to everyone. It belongs to the commons. I just love working there so much, everyone just started calling it Yuni’s Foodcoin Co-op."
She snapped her fingers and a magic carpet appeared. Without thinking even for a second, I got onto the carpet with her. I think the pink smoke contained some sort of anti-fear powdered serum, because I did exactly what Yuni wanted me to do without any sort of hesitation.
When we arrived at Yuni’s Co-op, my eyes were all lit up. I felt like Charlie Bucket when he first saw Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.
The Co-op was filled with the most scrumptious sushi ingredients I have ever seen in my life: sparkly yellowtail, moshed masago, emerald green onion, kung-fu komezu, clear-eyed kombu, silver-flaked seaweed, shiny salmon roe, mr. monk liver, succulent sea urchin, sandy surf clam, shill sea bass. well you get the idea, it was amazing!
And the best part: all the sushi ingredients were free.
The ingredients could then be mixed and assembled to create an entirely new foodcoin or foodcoinswap. I could copy and paste so many different ingredients to make brand-new foodcoins, and absolutely no one could stop me from doing it. But I could not create millions of each ingredient, hence this process could not make me rich overnight.
Each item had its own source code that came with it, and anyone could copy that code to create that exact ingredient. But each ingredient had a built-in rate-limiting mechanism coded into it to prevent any one person from creating too many copies of it all at once. The only way someone could bypass this rate-limit mechanism was if they had possession of the master key. And Yuni was the only person who had access to it.
Yuni then asked me if I wanted to become a member of the Foodcoin Co-op. I wondered if there was some catch, but she assured me that it was all free. “Sign me up,” I said.
I spent the next 2 weeks making new ingredients by copying and pasting code like crazy. I built sashimiswap in four days. Once I had built sashimiswap I decided to make a bunch of other foodcoins, too. My mind went wild, and I made sakeswap, seaurchinswap, avocadoswap, croissantswap, pickleswap, burgerswap, donutswap, pizzaswap, hotdogswap, crazyboyrollswap and literally so many others, I lost count.
I lost tons of sleep in those two weeks, but it was all worth it. I had a literal foodcoin zoo when I woke up from my two week-long manic work binge. I could then release this into the wild and let people farm for any kind of foodcoin that their heart desired. And I’d profit from every single one of their farming actions, too.
But I would not profit on a mass scale unless I got the rate-limiting code removed from the ingredients' source file.
If I could only speed things up a bit, then I could create millions of identical ingredients every day which could be turned into millions of foodcoinswaps at once instead of being limited to only one type of ingredient per day. Then I could sell all those foodcoins and retire with my millions.
I knew that Yuni was the only one with access to the rate-limiting master key. With that key, I could remove all the rate-limiting code from my foodcoin ingredients, which would enable me to create millions of copies of the same ingredient in a matter of seconds!
One thing was crystal clear: I had to get that master key!
I visited the Co-op late at night a few days later and I really lucked out because Yuni was asleep in the entry hall, and the guards were also snoozing! I walked silently by her, being careful not to make a sound. I walked to the back of the Co-op, past the two guards and found the door to the foodcoin vault open. I couldn't believe my dumb luck. I walked right in! To the right of me, there was a giant vase with this unknown, strange script written on it. This is what the sign said:
I didn’t have time to figure out that weird, foreign script so I just ignored the sign and pressed the button on the vase. Almost immediately a tiny, sparkling golden key appeared from a mouse-sized secret door, and I grabbed it, shoved it in my pants pocket and dashed out of the Co-op.
When I got home, I retrieved the key from my pocket and set it on my desk. It was so beautiful and tiny and I then noticed that it had one tear-shaped bluish-greenish gemstone in it. Also there was a little number dial on the back of it.
I decided to test out the key on some kamikaze sushi rolls, so I set the dial on the master key to 14 million. Then I carefully inserted the master key into the source code of the following ingredients:
water, rice, rice vinegar, sugar, salt, nori seaweed, English cucumber, salmon filet, avocado, fried tempura bits, mayonnaise and chili paste.
To my shock and amazement, 14 million copies of each ingredient were created in a matter of seconds! It was unbelievable! Suddenly, my entire house was filled with kamikaze sushi roll ingredients. I then got the recipe master library from Unicornswap to write the recipe which auto-generated kamikaze rolls after 20 minutes of preparation time. In total the entire process of creating 14 million kamikaze sushi rolls took a total of 30 minutes!
It was like a fairytale. I’m RICH, I’M RICH, I’M RICH! I squealed with joy!
I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Ouch! It was real.
I had to sell the rolls quick before they spoiled so, I collected all fourteen million kamikaze rolls, put them into a giant burlap bag and headed to the local sushi market to sell them. I had to visit several markets in order to sell them all, but as afternoon came, I had sold every single piece of sushi, and now I had 38,000 Ether. Woohooo! I was a rich man! I patted myself on the back and kissed my image that reflected back at me. I was rich.
Right after I sold all the sushi rolls, the sushi market kinda crashed and now other sushi chefs are kinda screwed due to the low price of sushi, but that’s not really my problem. I already did 2 weeks worth of work!
Since I had done 2 weeks worth work making kamikaze rolls and other foodcoinswaps, and now was a rich man, I figured I deserved to go on holiday! I was sick of the smell of sushi so Japan was out. Where should I go? Hmmmm...I love pizza and beautiful mountains. I think I will go to Italy!
I randomly chose a place on the map, and I landed on Trentino, Italy!
On my first day in Italy, I found a quaint little pizzeria named Il Barone di Nomi, and boy was it good! I deserve to eat like a king because I did 2 weeks worth of work. Well actually, if I am totally honest, I just copied and pasted the Unicornswap code, but still, I spent weeks pasting that code into new documents. And I risked my life to steal the Foodcoin master key too!
Here's my meal at Il Barone di Nomi:
While I was eating my meal at the pizzeria, a really weird movie from the 80's was playing on a big screen TV right near my table. I managed to record part of it. It really freaked me out because my face appeared at the end with some strange unknown script written by it. I think it was the same script that was written on the vase that contained the rate-limiting master key.
It felt like someone at that restaurant was playing some weird, twisted joke on me......
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